My personality doesn't filter reality into my aspirations sometimes, especially the simple ones. Yes, I'll take that on! And that too! That too! Sure, I want to do that! Until I'm staring at my Google calendar with my jaw to the ground wondering where all of my free time went.
|an example: last week's schedule|
At first it seemed manageable; everything could fit nicely into hourly slots, just like my calendar shows. I love the organization! Knowing where to be and when, what has to be done, et cetera. But very quickly, mostly last week, I came to realize that there is no time for taking care of myself, my cat, or my relationships. It seemed so perfect that every day I go from class to work to internship to bed and repeat it every week, but after breaking down several times recently, I knew I had to do something about it. I realized that humans were not meant to work like machines.
I stopped doing a weekly show with KVSC, as much as I liked doing that. I told my boss at the gas station that rather than 3-4 days a week, I only wanted to work 2-3. I learned to say "no" and found myself at home rather than volunteering at yet another event. I'm hoping that these steps will help my sour/blue moods as well as my relationships.
Relationships get harder the busier you get, I've learned. Many of my friends just haven't been able to grasp my busy schedule, and many times don't believe my to-do list or excuses. It was starting to hurt many of my friendships and I only hope I can build them again before Zach and I move out west.
Speaking of moving out west:
I finally received some kind of confirmation that Seattle University received my application. They assigned me a student ID number and I can use it to check on the status of my application online. I'm trying to stay positive, but realistic at the same time about potential acceptance. I just want to know right now! Alas, I must be patient and focus on my studies and relationships for now.
Another week commences tomorrow, and though I have a meeting Saturday morning, I technically have the rest of Saturday off, so I'm looking forward to having another day to take care of myself, the apartment, and everything else I've mentioned. Maybe I can finally do something special for Zach's birthday, which was on the 24th! I must remind myself I'm not a machine, and though I hate being any form of selfish, I need to put myself first every once and a while!