Reflection

My decision to apply to Seattle University was a light one in comparison to the research, guidance, and work that other grad students put into finding the right program. Simply put, SU had a good reputation, a highly appealing course load, and I couldn't see anything I didn't like about it besides the fact that grad students here don't get much financial help, even with a GAship. Sometimes I think that I should have sought after an institution that would help pay for my masters, but eventually I realize, and will continue to realize, that Seattle University is going to be worth my money.

And so I find myself, an atheist, in a Jesuit university. When I was awarded a graduate assistantship, I learned that all GAs were to read sections out of two books that they sent to us: Ignatian Humanism and Heroic Leadership. When I first heard this, before I knew what the books were about, I was apprehensive to read them. I didn't want to be preached to, I didn't want to read about 'god,' I didn't want to learn to pray. I had accepted the fact that I was now enrolled in a private institution and would have to accept the differences, but I wasn't ready to be converted, by any means.

I put off reading them. I put it off and put it off, joking with my friends that I had to read "Jesus books" as part of my graduate assistantship, something I now realize could be offensive, and I regret saying it. But one day I cracked open Ignatian Humanism and dove into 15th century Spain and the life of Ignatius of Loyola, someone I didn't know existed until recently. I was fascinated by his life, failures, and successes on his way to becoming the founder of the Society of Jesus. More reading taught me about the incredible lives of other pioneers of the religion such as Matteo Ricci, Francis Xavier, and Pedro Arrupe. Ignatius's soul searching pilgrimages and deep dedication to generosity, Ricci's introduction of China to the western world, and Arrupe's incredible experiences learning from and befriending the Japanese, including living through Hiroshima with them; it is a fascinating story. I think that in the near future I will find myself reading the rest of the book, and much more than what was required of us for training.

Right now I'm still working on the other book Heroic Leadership and it is proving to be a very valuable read. According to the text, Jesuits became leaders by: understanding their strengths, weaknesses, values and worldview; confidently innovating and adapting to embrace a changing world; engaging others with a positive, loving attitude; and energizing themselves and others through heroic ambitions. No matter where I turn at this university, in readings, in work, in course preparations; I find myself learning necessary lessons for not just my future career, but also to make myself a better person. A book that I honestly thought would preach to me what I need to do in order to be a religious leader is turning out to be a no-nonsense book about how to be a real leader, from the inside, out.

Which brings me to the title of this post: reflection. It is somewhat of a joke amongst students in the SDA program that there is such copious amounts of reflection required for each course, internship, and assignment. It wasn't until I began reading these texts that I realized its necessity. The Society of Jesus was founded on the large amount of time that Ignatius had to reflect while he was ill in bed for months. Since then, his followers have known and utilized the value in reflection, and it is a practice passed down and practiced to this very day. After reading portions of these texts, the reason the students in our program have so much reflecting to do is obvious.

I never thought I'd find myself in a private university, but I'm glad I chose to come here. Thank goodness it is finally September, because I am quite impatient for classes to start! Countdown: 19 days. At least I'll get to order my books soon! Later today Zach and I are volunteering at Bumbershoot, and after our shift I get to see City and Colour perform. All in all... HAPPY WEEKEND!

Whirlwind

The past week has been crazy. Not as crazy as my last two semesters in undergrad (we all know THAT was crazy) but crazy in comparison to how sedentary life has been in the past two months. I know we've been exploring Seattle, volunteering, and partaking in some events, but nothing had real purpose for me. Not until I had a job in my field, I began working towards something, and time started to fly.

Monday, Wednesday, Thursday I spent at my GAship. Most of my tasks were being a helper/organizer when they went out on outings. A few times I briefly met my supervisor Ryan and he got me up to speed about the basics of the SU International Student Center. Other than that, I was out on the town with the Fukuoka group. I learned a lot and had great fun; I'm delighted to have an opportunity to improve my Japanese. Monday I showed them around Capitol Hill and ate dinner with them. I also got to know two undergraduate students who also work in the ISC On Wednesday I got to go to Bainbridge Island with them, to visit the Bainbridge Japanese History Museum; Friday I went to the Courthouse and Mayor's Office for Senior Services while they interviewed personnel for their research; today I went to a Mariner's game with them. How lucky am I!

Me, Nguyen, and Dom at the history museum

Tuesday and Thursday at SSCC I put in some hours planning for the upcoming events and working on Orientation stuff. Thursday the Level II IEP students threw a graduation party for the IEP Level V group; the students did an amazing job planning the event and impressed everyone there. I enjoyed the opportunity to get to know some of the international students better.

Saturday I took SSCC IP students to the Seattle Sounders VS the Vancouver Whitecaps game. At 11:30 we made our way down to Occidental park where before every game they host a rally for Sounders fans. People were chanting, singing along with Sound Wave, their pep band, and yelling fight songs as we marched to the stadium. The students loved it, I loved it, and I'm already so hooked on the Sounders that I've been looking up what Google claims are the best bars to go to to watch Sounders games. Also I've been trying to find jerseys online, though I definitely can't afford one right now (or for a while). My favorite chant was "Nobody likes us, and WE DON'T CARE!" Oh you pretentious Seattle hipsters :P You are something.

I haven't come home exhausted every day since May. Honestly, it's a nice change to be back in a busy schedule. I feel so great about getting a job and working toward something greater, but I can't help but feel awful for Zach. I mean, he's fine and happy for the most part, but I just want him to find whatever makes him happy. Be it going back to school, finding a specific job, or whatever. We're going to be fine with money, I just want both of us to settle in and get comfortable, mostly since I've dedicated the next two years of my life here. Another sad fact is that come September 19 when classes start up, I don't know when I'll ever see Zach. There are two days per week that I'll probably be gone for 14 hours minimum, and I know that any spare time will need to be spent studying.

I do have faith though. Things will work out. We're doing amazing so far. For two relatively independent young people across the country, we have a roof over our heads, a bed to sleep on, and food in the fridge. We must still be doing pretty damn well.

Last night I volunteered at Hempfest in Myrtle Edwards Park. I helped sell merch and gave directions to attendees. I was going to go back tonight and help again but I'm not feeling the greatest. I'm starting to think it's due to the whirlwind week I just endured. And I didn't even mention the emotional turmoil it took on me. Time to rest up.

With that, I bid you adieu; ja ma ta ne (see you later!)

Before I wrap this up, I must point out that Ratatat is an amazing band to listen to while I'm blogging. Maybe their beats coincide with the rhythm I type at... regardless, check them out. Very chill and enjoyable.

Win some, lose some.

This morning I woke up, headed over to the bathroom, and turned the shower knob, but no water came out. Yes, the water main burst in the middle of the night, apparently, and I found this out after dressing and trying to track down my landlord early this morning. So I did what any water-less person has to do and used the water in the pitcher of our fridge by pouring it over my head in the tub.

I tried not to let this ruin my day, as it was my first day in the International Student Center at Seattle University as their graduate assistant. Luckily I pushed the water-less morning out of my head because I had a fantastic first day. I started my position at the ISC two weeks earlier than most GAs because I'm helping with a short term program; 17 students from Fukuoka University in Japan are here for the next two and a half weeks to study English and Law. Most of the day I set up my work station, got to know my new coworkers, and waited for the students to arrive from the airport. When they did my coworkers Nguyen, Anya, and Dominic and the staff of the ISC Dale and Sandra all met up with them and oriented them to staying in the dorms (they're staying with host families after tonight). We ate dinner with them at Cherry Street Market (the student dining hall) and then Nguyen, Anya, Dominic, and I took them for a walk down Broadway and through Cal Anderson Park. I was only able to learn a few names, but they are a wonderful group of students and I got to practice my Japanese with them. I'm really looking forward to working with them more! Since I want to work, intern, or study in Japan at some point, I'm going to ask them lots of questions and learn as much as I can.

I stayed with the Fukuoka group much later than my usual Monday office hours would go (didn't get home until past 8pm), but I was able, willing, and eager to spend time with the students so I don't mind at all. I'm sure once classes start up I won't be able to afford much extra time there.

Honestly right now I'm really bummed about this dress that just got ruined in the wash. I am the worst person to do laundry! I'm constantly shrinking, dying, or just plain ruining my clothes. I'm mostly upset because I never got the chance to wear the dress and it shrunk so badly that I will ever get to. I swear I ruin at least one item of clothing every time I do laundry. Hundreds of dollars of clothes have been wasted because I apparently cannot separate my clothes and wash them correctly. What is wrong with me? As soon as I saw the dress today I thought to myself "THIS IS WHY YOU CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS!" I've been stressing about money lately, so any time I waste something I get pretty upset.

Today was such a push and pull of good and bad happenings, hence the post's title. But I suppose that's how life works; it's not perfect all of the time. I have to learn not to fret the small stuff, but IT'S ALL THE SMALL STUFF! (I think I just stole that tagline from the book Don't sweat the small stuff). I've had a few bouts of pretty bad anxiety since arriving in Seattle, but I'm really hoping those disappear once this place starts feeling like home. Sometimes my mind compiles all of the things I could possibly worry about and makes me worry about them all at the same time. Then my poor self-image and complete lack of confidence adds fuel to the fire and I start a long, grueling, downward spiral. Thankfully I have a loving, down-to-earth partner, an affectionate cat, books, and room to do yoga in our studio; these things have been keeping my head above water so far.

But enough of the sad/anxiety crap that I dwell on too much...

I'm going to my first Seattle Sounders game on Saturday with my job at SSCC! I'm taking 19 students with me and we're going to arrive early to storm the field before the game starts. It will be my first event with students without my coworker, but I know we'll be fine. I'm really getting the hang of my position there now, thankfully.

This is my first week working both my GAship and my job at SSCC; wish me luck! My schedule is only going to get busier from here.

Scrumptious Seattle

Our fridge may be empty most of the time, and our furniture and clothing might all be from the thrift store, but damn, we are doing good out here, I have to admit. I know I may be pessimistic sometimes, but how can I really complain when we can afford rent, groceries, and even a few treats? Our hard work is continuously paying off and it's a huge relief that things are working out. I'll confess, I didn't have a lot of faith in my own future; beyond St. Cloud was vague and risky and I couldn't imagine where I'd be in the next year. But here we are; roof over our heads, bellies full of food, happy pets, and a modest, glorious life.

I spent a relaxing evening reading by the piers last week.

I have just one more week of an easy schedule (one job 17 hours per week) until my graduate assistantship starts on August 13; then I'll be working 37 hours per week minimum. I'm starting to get more emails about starting my program and I'm getting more and more excited! There are some orientations and other things to attend and I'm really looking forward to getting to know and spending time with my cohort. I can't afford to buy my books yet, but I'm really looking forward to when I do. I actually have to read books for my GAship. I guess it's also a class called Jesuit 101: Introduction to Higher Education. The books we have to read are Ignatian Humanism by Ronald Modras and Heroic Leadership by Chris Lowney. I've only skimmed both of the books, but I think they're going to be interesting. I have so much to learn when it comes to student affairs and higher education that I'm itching for this program to start! I feel as though summer is crawling by. Of course, we all know time will fly when the program actually begins.

Eventually I have to work on getting a Washington driver's license. Well, not eventually, more like as soon as I can. I can use my Minnesota license, but since I'll be reserving vans to use for my position at South Seattle Community College, I really should get a Washington license like the DMV expects you to do within 30 days of moving. I'm a little upset because I got my Minnesota one just over 1 year ago! It'll be good to have an up-to-date identification card, I guess.

On Friday Zach and I picnicked at Alki Beach. We took the bus there from downtown and packed a blanket, sandwiches and grapes. Alki Beach is so beautiful! You can see a ton of the islands in the sound, plus an entire mountain range and several peaks. If you're at the far end of the beach you can see the Space Needle. I'm glad we went on Friday because the Blue Angles were practicing and when they fly over our neighborhood we can't hear anything! The best part was seeing them flying over the city on the West Seattle Bridge. I wish I could have taken a picture!

This is just a glimpse of the views you can see of Seattle from West Seattle!

Here was our view for our picnic. Just behind the hill on the right is the Space Needle.

Honeymoon phase or not, I'm still so in love with Seattle. The beauty of the pacific northwest and Seattle as a city itself is still awe inspiring after over 2 months of living here. There is always things to do, places to go, and people to meet. I can already imagine us coming back here to live. Maybe we'll even spend more than just two years here. But you never know! Zach and I do talk about Japan a lot.