Post-graduation weekend

I can't believe it's all over.
I have been waiting for this weekend for four years. I remember when 2012 seemed so far into the future, and sometimes I'm still in shock that it's already 2012.

Friday night we hung out at our apartment with a lot of friends, some in town only for the weekend, others that we were graduating with. It was wonderful socializing at our place over drinks and games. I had to force myself not to think about leaving everyone in less than a month, or else I would have become incredibly emotional.

Saturday I slept in late because I was in the afternoon commencement ceremony. I met briefly with my family, who arrived in town late Friday, and before I knew it I had to start getting dressed and putting on my cap and gown. Running late as we normally do, Zach, Tara and I got there just in time to get to the end of the School of Liberal Arts line to start filing in to Halenbeck gym, where everything was taking place. We sat in the very last row of the sea of graduates, shaking and chatting the whole time. The ceremony itself wasn't very memorable to me, but seeing myself and my friends in that cap and gown was definitely a memory I'll never forget. The symbolism of it will be with me forever. Because of our position in the gym, I was very close to my family; looking back at them every once and a while, and catching them smiling and looking at me, made me feel so fortunate, loved, and proud of my accomplishments. I truly was holding back a waterfall of emotions in those moments.

Walking up to the stage was nerve-wracking. I couldn't stop thinking about how to walk in heels because I didn't want to be the one to trip across the stage. Commencement coordinators rushed us along, as to not stall the already outrageously long ceremony. I remember stopping at the bottom of the stairs, and looking up at the bright lights shining on Zach, President Potter, the provost, and others whom we shook hands with. They ushered me up the stairs and I couldn't even hear my name; I was concentrating so hard on smiling, not tripping, and grabbing the diploma in the right hand! Just before I headed down the stairs and off the stage, one of my favorite professors, head of the Faculty Association, got out of his seat on stage to come shake my hand. Dr. Mark Jaede was one of the first professors I had at SCSU; he taught LAST 250, Introduction to Latin American Studies my first semester. He was someone who reassured me I wanted to continue with Spanish and learn about Latin America. The fact that he was there in the beginning, as well as there in the end of my college career, was so meaningful to me.

At the bottom of the stairs my friend Victor, a university ambassador, was helping usher graduates to the photo backdrop. I hugged him and scooted along; paused for my picture; and went back to our seats.

And it was over. So suddenly.
One moment I was on stage, my heart beating so hard and fast, the next second I was back in my seat, glancing at Zach and Tara with teary eyes.

We hung out in the gym and took some pictures with friends and family. Everything was overwhelming, of course. Pictures with the family, the roommates, the inlaws; all of us were pulled in all directions, smiling like fools!

Soon after we took off to get to Fuji Japanese Steakhouse for dinner. Zach's family and my family went together and we got hibachi (YUM!). It was hard for all of us to talk because the place was PACKED; probably with families of graduates. I think it went well, though. I just wish our families could have socialized more.

After everyone parted ways, I made plans to have breakfast/lunch with my family the next day and Zach and I headed home to get ready for a party at a house we used to live in. It was an amazing time being back there, reliving some of the memories made and spending time with dear friends (who I'm going to miss like hell). 

The next day Zach and I met my family at IHOP and we got to catch up a little bit (over delicious pancakes). They had to leave right after, and it was hard for all of us. Before this weekend, I hadn't seen them for a whole year, and we haven't been good at communicating since. The goodbye, at least for me, was very emotional. This might be the last time I see them for the next 2 years minimum, unless they come out to Seattle and visit or I manage to make enough money to head back to the midwest.

And that was that. It's all over. Felt like it lasted all of 2 minutes. 

So now our lives move on to other things, I suppose.

Recording the events of this weekend has been hard to do, mentally, because of the emotions involved. It's starting to hit me now, that my undergraduate experience is over. I don't know any other me besides the me that is in class at SCSU and heavily involved. What will I do now? I'm quite terrified of having to get to know a whole new campus, and whole new city. 

Moving to Seattle is still coming together. We have lots of apartments we're interested in, and of course we're still sending out lots of job applications. I just signed up for a summer course in my program, and I'm excited to meet people and knock down a few credits before fall. 

Oh, it's my birthday, today. I'm 22 now. Do I feel 22? No. When people ask me how old I am, I almost have to count it out in order to avoid saying 19 or 20. Has that much time really passed since high school? Since Chile? I guess so. Time has flown, and just like everyone says, it's moving exponentially faster as I get older. Today I went to the Mall of America with my friends Bretta, Di, and Tara and I'm stoked about the two dresses I bought. Going to go put one on for dinner tonight.

Until the next chapter...

(I hope my next blog post is about me or Zach getting a job or apartment)

Goodbye, UPB

My very last UPB banquet is in an hour and 18 minutes.
Where has the time gone?

In anticipation, my memory takes me back to the 2009 banquet, the first one I went to. I was struggling in my heels just trying to walk from Mitchell Hall to Atwood Memorial Center, and Zach met me halfway. I still have the dress I wore that day. I didn't take any pictures, I hardly knew anyone. I remember being excited to spend time with Zach. I think I was still trying to win him over at that point.

This photo is from the 2010 banquet. I think we look so young! I remember having such a fun time and finally feeling like I fit in somewhere at SCSU. UPB turned out to be such a good thing for me. I've grown and learned so much from it.

Here's my friend Tara (and roommate right now) and I from last year's banquet. Another great banquet! I was reassured that I was in the right place, and I was incredibly excited to be the National Events coordinator for the following year. Finally, a position that aligned with my passions!

I cannot predict how this year's banquet is going to go. It's been an incredibly different year with department reorganization, budget cuts, and personality clashes. Though I had a somewhat hellish year juggling and understanding everything, I think this will still be incredibly emotional for me. Most of my friends are involved with UPB, most of my time has been spent in the UPB office, and all of the mentors I look up to have something to do with UPB.

My time with UPB has officially come to an end (besides the work I have yet to do for it this week). I have to learn to move on from it, and take my hard earned lessons with me.

Thanks to everyone who supported me; I cannot mean that more sincerely. Hugs and thanks just aren't enough for how grateful I am.

The end result:

isn't actually an end result. As you might know, I applied to grad school. In the beginning of February, I received the letter I had been waiting anxiously for since January 14. I cried when I read the words "unfortunately" and "regret;" however after a more cautious read, it turns out I'm on a waiting list for the program.

I turned to the Internet and asked what this could mean. Some say my chances are very high, some say it depends on the school, most say to wait on getting any word until at least after most universities host their preview/interview days because that is when candidates are most likely to chose which school they want to attend.

The excitement and strong desire I have to attend this school and program weighs so heavy on my chest: I can't believe I have to wait even longer!  At least I can say I don't know where the month of February went and I'm hoping the rest of the time I have to wait goes just as fast.

But now, the back up job search.
Where to even begin?
One of the graduate assistants in the University Program Board office helped me find a lot of resources. Man, we have THE BEST graduate assistants in our department this year. They're all so kind, intelligent, and willing to go out of their way to help you! By now, it has added up to multiple hours that Anthony has sat down with me and showed me where to find jobs I'm qualified for. Him and Nathaniel (the graduate assistant for student organizations) have both shown me websites to find the best programs in Student Affairs and where they are. I feel so incredibly grateful that I've met them and they've been so willing to help me. After I received the waiting list news, I felt so hopeless, and now I'm not!

My spring break will consist of filling out a multitude of job applications. For everywhere. I'd like to set a goal of about 5 applications a day. If I don't have something lined up in my field or in something related to my field by the end of April, then all of May will be spent looking for jobs that don't require a bachelor's degree, but will at least afford to keep Zach and I out of debt/trouble when we move out there.

Life in general has been better lately.
The two biggest events of my year as National Events coordinator with UPB are officially over and I couldn't be more happy/proud. Cornel West came on January 28 and Sherman Alexie was just this past Wednesday on February 22. Both were very trying experiences, but also incredible learning experiences when it comes to LARGE event planning, and much collaboration.

Sherman Alexie, the author of SCSU's common reading program text, had 900 attendees! Cornel West had 1200, if I didn't mention that already. I am blown away at the success of the National Events this year! As stressed as I've been, it has been so worth it finally being in a position that I'm passionate about. I know I'm going to look back on this year as a difficult one, but also an incredible one. I'm really going to go out with a bang. 

My internship with Element Mental Health Services is going well too. So far I've contacted hundreds of schools and area organizations in the search for support and advertising of the LGBTQA friendly prom we are planning for the St. Cloud area. Someday I'll make a much longer post about it. For now, this post has already been too scattered. I must get ready for a meeting with my supervisors. Adieu! 

The Final Countdown.

Yep. THE FINAL COUNTDOWN. Why don't you listen to the song while you're reading my post?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AyggY_R3jU8 
Feel free to do a little dance like Gob does on Arrested Development. Please do.


This is it. Tomorrow I register for classes at SCSU for the very last time. I'll never again have to complain about "honors" kids getting to register before me even though I have a better GPA. I'll never again have to run around SCSU's campus begging professors to let me into full classes. I'll never have to yell at the CEEP department again for not having a professor or time assigned to a class I need. Hopefully, I'll never have to spend another winter in Minnesota.

This is it. After May, I'm outta here.
I'm leaving.
Departing.
Escaping.
Hitting the road.
Leaving only dust behind me.
Before you can finish saying "congratulations" I'll be all packed up and ready to leave.
Its time for a move, its time for a change.

I won't get ahead of myself and blog about how "wonderful these 4 years have been" but I will say I sure have grown up a lot here. With as much as I feel like I change from year to year, hell, month to month, I'm looking forward to seeing who I'll be the day I'm leaving this place. Next semester is full of so many good things- classes, internship, events, and preparations to move across the country. I'm going to work less on campus and more at the gas station to ease myself away. I'm going to job search and start hardcore networking over winter break. I'm going to do the best I can to be the best I can be before I commence the my second big move.

For next semester, my classes are as follows: 

• CEEP 419 - Ethics in Psychology
• ENGL 342 - Creative Writing: Fiction
• PSY 378 - Theories of Personality
• PSY 345 - Psychology of Death and Dying

Class-wise, its going to be the best semester of my academic career. Not only am I stoked for these topics and professors, but I also don't have class on Friday for the first time ever. I sure deserve that.

On another note:
I have a hell of a lot to do before the semester is over, including 2 long and large presentations and about 50 to 50 pages worth of papers. Maybe I shouldn't think about the future so much...

Re-orienting ourselves

Just transferring over some noteworthy posts from Wordpress. I'm probably deleting my Wordpress soon; Blogger is easier to figure out, for me, and its attached to all my other Google applications.

21 August 2011


I wasn’t sure what to expect as an Orientation Leader for incoming freshman this weekend. We had training all week, and it was in a lot of areas with which I was already familiar, but I still just couldn’t figure out what this was going to be like.

Could I console worried parents? Would I make sense in my casual jargon with students who have never been here before? I suppose I mostly questioned my confidence. Throughout the entire weekend I had flashbacks to my own first weekend at SCSU as a freshman. How scared I was, how confused I was, how downright awful and awkward I was. I’m really really proud of myself for connecting with some of these girls and really helping them out. I feel so accomplished for what I did for them, it just feels so good. We had a really good day getting to know each other and getting to know campus; I found their classes with them and answered their numerous questions about how things work around SCSU.

I think the only difficult part of the day was seeing sobbing moms. I walked past a dad hugging a mom saying “she’s going to be allright. She’s going to be fine.” and he looked at me as I passed to ask “she’s going to be okay, right?” I don’t know if he was asking that for himself, or his wife, but I answered “oh yes, she is in great hands and she’ll be just fine,” with a smile. At that point the mom took her head out of the dad’s shoulder and looked at me. Her sunglasses couldn’t hide the wet cheeks. I had to look away because I choked up! My parents and I teared up when we parted ways. I was so scared and alone, and this was the first experience they had parting with a child so permanently.

To some extent, I’ve gained some kind of closure by being an orientation leader for my last year here. I came full circle starting from an incoming, orientating freshman to a leader of orientation activities, and it feels good. I’m glad I got that little taste of proof that I’m really as old as I am. It’ll be a reminder for the year that I’m graduating and should find a way to get my shit together and keep it together.

I’m exhausted, but the weekend was truly worth it. I’d do it again in a heartbeat. Hell, probably even for free.