Trust.

It is something I have always been wary of.
Wary of trust, you say?
Yes.
Do people trust me? Do I trust others? How do I make this person trust me? What if I'm not trust-worthy?? What do I do??

It is a horrifying concept to me. My mind races constantly, and the majority of my greatest fears revolve around relationships. You can just imagine what goes through my head every second of the day. In fact, it is  rare that I can pay attention in class because of how much I worry.
I'm working on it.  That is about all I can do right now.

This post has been inspired by a recent event:
I recently have been trusted with the knowledge of a very personal experience of a friend of mine. A friend who I have known for some time and have wanted to get closer to, has revealed something about her/himself that is probably the hardest thing that s/he will experience in her/his entire life, and so far I'm only one of two people who know besides him/herself.

As we talked yesterday, I cried, I laughed, I jumped around, I didn't know what was the right reaction, so I'm lucky it was over instant messaging; but I was so full of emotion I just did not know what to do. My physical and emotional reactions were mostly due to the topic of conversation, but a part of my emotional overload was also the shock and pride that someone would trust me with such information.  I stayed up quite late just thinking about it:
How have my relationships affected his/her decision to tell me over anyone else? Did s/he not trust me enough to say it to my face, or was instant messaging more convenient? How will our relationship develop from here?

Above all my doubts,
I'm proud.
I can assure myself that I have done something right for once. I have created a trusting relationship. I have, in someone's eyes, become a trustworthy person. I am excited and very much looking forward to the future of this relationship. Through thick and thin I will stand by my friend and hold him/her up if s/he needs it.

The future looks more and more inspiring.



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I tend to question my decision to major in community psychology, but with posts like this, I have no doubt where my heart lies.