Keep on keeping on

That's just about all I can tell myself to do these days.

I've said it before and I'll say it to myself a hundred times more: I'm never letting myself be involved in this much ever again. It's too much and my health has suffered greatly from it.

Though it's been painful, I have learned a lot this year. I wish I could say it was from my classes and from my experiences, but I've mostly learned a lot about myself, my breaking points, and the type of person I become in different environments. Maybe I've changed a lot, or maybe I've become more adaptable. I suppose I won't really be able to tell until this is all said and done and I can look back and analyze.

I called Seattle University early this week and finally got a more solid answer about when I might be informed of a change in my status for the graduate program I applied to. I had forgotten all about the special April 15 date that most graduate schools comply with where everyone invited to programs must accept or deny their invitation by that date. The director of this program emailed me himself and said the beginning of next week, I should know. After all this waiting, I guess I can spare a few more days.

The job search is not going well; more like it came to a halting stop right after spring break ended and my work multiplied nearly tenfold. I have saved a few jobs I want to apply to over these past few weeks, but I can't honestly say that I'll get to them before the application window closes. This really scares me since I really have to get moving on this. If Zach and I are really planning on moving to Seattle before or right after our lease is up on May 31 then it is time to crack down on plans.

I wish I had more exciting updates, but let's face it: I'm a college senior in the last 3 weeks of classes. There isn't much else I can concentrate on besides surviving work, class, and my internship.

Speaking of my internship, that has been going quite well. I think I'm close to 80 out of 100 hours done by now and the LGBT prom I've been planning is happening April 28. We have a fundraiser on the 24th at Five Guys Burgers and Fries because we're still short on the budget, but I have faith the event will be successful. After all, we decided even if only a few couples come, we're doing a good thing here!

Enough procrastination. Time to go read my favourite textbook (Personality Psychology).

My first day off in 3 weeks!

Though I didn't pamper myself, neglect to shower, watch endless Netflix, nor eat unhealthy foods while sitting around, I did thoroughly enjoy my first day off in just over three weeks. I went grocery shopping, cleaned the living room, did some dishes, shaved my legs (that hasn't happened in a while), and spent time with my husband.

My personality doesn't filter reality into my aspirations sometimes, especially the simple ones. Yes, I'll take that on! And that too! That too! Sure, I want to do that! Until I'm staring at my Google calendar with my jaw to the ground wondering where all of my free time went.

an example: last week's schedule

Last semester was just as bad, and even though one of my jobs ended in December, my capstone internship for the Community Psych major has begun for the semester and it's more hours per week than the job that ended.

At first it seemed manageable; everything could fit nicely into hourly slots, just like my calendar shows. I love the organization! Knowing where to be and when, what has to be done, et cetera. But very quickly, mostly last week, I came to realize that there is no time for taking care of myself, my cat, or my relationships. It seemed so perfect that every day I go from class to work to internship to bed and repeat it every week, but after breaking down several times recently, I knew I had to do something about it. I realized that humans were not meant to work like machines.

I stopped doing a weekly show with KVSC, as much as I liked doing that. I told my boss at the gas station that rather than 3-4 days a week, I only wanted to work 2-3. I learned to say "no" and found myself at home rather than volunteering at yet another event. I'm hoping that these steps will help my sour/blue moods as well as my relationships.

Relationships get harder the busier you get, I've learned. Many of my friends just haven't been able to grasp my busy schedule, and many times don't believe my to-do list or excuses. It was starting to hurt many of my friendships and I only hope I can build them again before Zach and I move out west.

Speaking of moving out west:
I finally received some kind of confirmation that Seattle University received my application. They assigned me a student ID number and I can use it to check on the status of my application online. I'm trying to stay positive, but realistic at the same time about potential acceptance. I just want to know right now! Alas, I must be patient and focus on my studies and relationships for now.

Another week commences tomorrow, and though I have a meeting Saturday morning, I technically have the rest of Saturday off, so I'm looking forward to having another day to take care of myself, the apartment, and everything else I've mentioned. Maybe I can finally do something special for Zach's birthday, which was on the 24th! I must remind myself I'm not a machine, and though I hate being any form of selfish, I need to put myself first every once and a while!