Perry's Theory of Intellectual and Ethical Development

It turns out that my question mark tattoo on my ankle (pictured below) is based on one of the Student Development theories I'm studying for class. Who knew?!? Let me explain...

When people ask "why do you have a question mark tattoo on your ankle?" I generally struggle explaining it to them exactly the way I want to. I usually say that it has to do with growing up and asking questions in order to form my own opinions; it also has a lot to do with the fact that I love learning, I'll never stop learning, and the only way to learn is to ask questions.

Well this lovely Sunday afternoon as I'm reading just a chapter of the hundreds of pages I have to get through this week, I realize that Perry's Theory of Intellectual and Ethical Development deeply captures a piece of my own development in college and movement from dependence to independence. Parry's theory says the three concepts that represent fundamental differences in the meaning-making process are duality, multiplicity, and relativism.

Here is a quote from my book:

If ideas are essentially swallowed whole from authorities such as parents, teachers, group advisors, or textbooks, if little or no questioning is part of the process of adopting these beliefs  then the process demonstrates a dualistic mode of thinking. By contrast, relativistic thinkers, when presented with ideas by an authority figure, may adopt them as their own. Along the way, they critically examine ideas and perhaps even reject them for a period. The rationale for current adherence to the beliefs reflects a more complex process of coming to conclusions, a process that includes some questioning and a contextual basis for the stance taken.

 After reading this section I had to set my book down and take a breath (and write this post) just to say "WOW!" This whole time I have been interested in and have truly valued the development of the college student to such a degree that I tattooed a piece of my own development on my body permanently; before I started studying this sort of thing! Making these personal connections to the theories I'm learning has been incredibly helpful in comprehending content.

Well, back to reading. Happy Sunday!

Keep on keeping on

That's just about all I can tell myself to do these days.

I've said it before and I'll say it to myself a hundred times more: I'm never letting myself be involved in this much ever again. It's too much and my health has suffered greatly from it.

Though it's been painful, I have learned a lot this year. I wish I could say it was from my classes and from my experiences, but I've mostly learned a lot about myself, my breaking points, and the type of person I become in different environments. Maybe I've changed a lot, or maybe I've become more adaptable. I suppose I won't really be able to tell until this is all said and done and I can look back and analyze.

I called Seattle University early this week and finally got a more solid answer about when I might be informed of a change in my status for the graduate program I applied to. I had forgotten all about the special April 15 date that most graduate schools comply with where everyone invited to programs must accept or deny their invitation by that date. The director of this program emailed me himself and said the beginning of next week, I should know. After all this waiting, I guess I can spare a few more days.

The job search is not going well; more like it came to a halting stop right after spring break ended and my work multiplied nearly tenfold. I have saved a few jobs I want to apply to over these past few weeks, but I can't honestly say that I'll get to them before the application window closes. This really scares me since I really have to get moving on this. If Zach and I are really planning on moving to Seattle before or right after our lease is up on May 31 then it is time to crack down on plans.

I wish I had more exciting updates, but let's face it: I'm a college senior in the last 3 weeks of classes. There isn't much else I can concentrate on besides surviving work, class, and my internship.

Speaking of my internship, that has been going quite well. I think I'm close to 80 out of 100 hours done by now and the LGBT prom I've been planning is happening April 28. We have a fundraiser on the 24th at Five Guys Burgers and Fries because we're still short on the budget, but I have faith the event will be successful. After all, we decided even if only a few couples come, we're doing a good thing here!

Enough procrastination. Time to go read my favourite textbook (Personality Psychology).

The Job Search

is downright daunting.

Of course I'm looking at jobs that I'm qualified for, but I don't feel qualified for them. We all know I've spread myself thin, all over campus and all over town with my jobs/internships/responsibilities, but having ONE job to put all of my time/effort into? I can't imagine it yet. I've never worked somewhere "full time" (I put that in quotes because I've worked 30-40 hours a week somewhere before, but I was in high school/college, so it wasn't during the day nor my focus nor professional.)

I feel confident I can do these jobs, but I am unsure of how to express it in my cover letters and resumes. I honestly think it's going to take a lot of research and drafts to get it right. Thank goodness we have a Career Services office I can utilize! They really helped me with my resume and cover letter for grad school, so I'm sure they'll be helpful in my job search materials.

So far I've mostly looked at administrative positions in community colleges, mental health facilities, and a few in customer service. I haven't been limiting my search at all. In fact I have about 20 positions bookmarked in my browser, about 25-30 saved in higher education sites, and maybe 15 tabs open right now. And the best/worst part? Seattle Craigslist posts SO MANY jobs every single day that I am qualified for and could apply for. I really just have to sit down and DO it.

Before I dive into the job hunt/applications, I have a few midterms to finish up and papers/journals to do. It's so hard to concentrate on them, though, when I'd much rather have my future lined up and waiting for me. It's time for me to study counseling ethics and personality psychology now, adiós!

My first day off in 3 weeks!

Though I didn't pamper myself, neglect to shower, watch endless Netflix, nor eat unhealthy foods while sitting around, I did thoroughly enjoy my first day off in just over three weeks. I went grocery shopping, cleaned the living room, did some dishes, shaved my legs (that hasn't happened in a while), and spent time with my husband.

My personality doesn't filter reality into my aspirations sometimes, especially the simple ones. Yes, I'll take that on! And that too! That too! Sure, I want to do that! Until I'm staring at my Google calendar with my jaw to the ground wondering where all of my free time went.

an example: last week's schedule

Last semester was just as bad, and even though one of my jobs ended in December, my capstone internship for the Community Psych major has begun for the semester and it's more hours per week than the job that ended.

At first it seemed manageable; everything could fit nicely into hourly slots, just like my calendar shows. I love the organization! Knowing where to be and when, what has to be done, et cetera. But very quickly, mostly last week, I came to realize that there is no time for taking care of myself, my cat, or my relationships. It seemed so perfect that every day I go from class to work to internship to bed and repeat it every week, but after breaking down several times recently, I knew I had to do something about it. I realized that humans were not meant to work like machines.

I stopped doing a weekly show with KVSC, as much as I liked doing that. I told my boss at the gas station that rather than 3-4 days a week, I only wanted to work 2-3. I learned to say "no" and found myself at home rather than volunteering at yet another event. I'm hoping that these steps will help my sour/blue moods as well as my relationships.

Relationships get harder the busier you get, I've learned. Many of my friends just haven't been able to grasp my busy schedule, and many times don't believe my to-do list or excuses. It was starting to hurt many of my friendships and I only hope I can build them again before Zach and I move out west.

Speaking of moving out west:
I finally received some kind of confirmation that Seattle University received my application. They assigned me a student ID number and I can use it to check on the status of my application online. I'm trying to stay positive, but realistic at the same time about potential acceptance. I just want to know right now! Alas, I must be patient and focus on my studies and relationships for now.

Another week commences tomorrow, and though I have a meeting Saturday morning, I technically have the rest of Saturday off, so I'm looking forward to having another day to take care of myself, the apartment, and everything else I've mentioned. Maybe I can finally do something special for Zach's birthday, which was on the 24th! I must remind myself I'm not a machine, and though I hate being any form of selfish, I need to put myself first every once and a while!

The Story of Stuff

Pride is not a feeling I feel very often, but last night, when my (University Program Board National Events) committee and I implemented an incredible, intellectual event we've been planning for months, I couldn't help but show my pride in the biggest grin stretched across my face.

Before you continue reading this post, please take 20 minutes of your time and go to www.storyofstuff.org and watch, at least, The Story of Stuff.  Annie Leonard is the director of the Story of Stuff project, and the featured speaker for the documentary you just watched. As you can read on the website, she traveled the world for 20 years researching STUFF: where it comes from, how its made, how we use it, and finally, where it goes when we dispose of it.

Before I saw this documentary, I had my eyes were opened wide when I was living in Chile and I realized how less wasteful Chileans were in comparison to United Statesians.  In common chilean homes, their garbage containers weren't as big as ours, and there weren't as many. My host mom would take her re-usable bags and cart down to the market to buy fresh fruit a couple of times a week. They never bought anything unless they NEEDED it. My host mom made a lot of clothes and crafts. It sure was a different world there...

Anyway, I had to watch the Story of Stuff documentary in my Human Relations 102 course in 2010.  Ever since then, I've more often considered the "reduce, reuse, recycle" methodology. First, see if it can be reduced. Do you really need it? Don't buy it. Do you really need 3 servings of this food? Save it for someone who actually needs it. Second, reuse everything that you can. And this means avoiding disposable items. Its hard though, when industries purposefully TRY to make things disposable, especially so that you buy a new one or latest model every few months. Finally, recycle. When you've used something to its last thread of life, search for a way to recycle it before throwing it in the trash, where it will end up in a landfill.

The National Events committee that I facilitate invited Annie Leonard to SCSU to screen her documentary and speak about her travels and knowledge on sustainability and being environmentally conscious. I wish I could have somehow recorded the entire event, because I wish I could somehow share it with all of you. Annie is an incredible and skilled speaker and it was such a high honor to have her on our campus. Over 350 students came to this event, and my committee and I couldn't have been happier with how smoothly it went.  Several students and faculty stayed when she was done, even after the Q&A, in order to speak with her.

Possibly the most incredible part of her speech was that through her messages about the world going to shit, people needing to be more active in sustainability, and how bad things are looking for the near future, she remained and continues to remain so entirely HOPEFULL.  Her smile and excitement never faltered, on and off stage. She is truly someone I look up to and will never forget. Its hard to believe I got to meet her and spend alone time with her, discussing college, students, and green initiatives.

Interesting fact...
About 3 minutes into the event, so 3 minutes in to the documentary, a woman stormed out of the auditorium. WHen I asked her what was wrong, she muttered between clenched teeth somethign along the lines of "This is why there is so much hate.... *grumble grumble* ... and *** occupy wall street *grumble grumble." I think the part she walked out on was probably where the documentary talks about the wasted money poured into the US military... I'm not really sure what her problem was... but it excited me that I helped facilitate an event on campus that sparked controversy.

I wish I was more eloquent with my words; though, no matter how I post about the event, I'll never feel like it will sufficiently represent how life-changing and amazing this event/speaker was for me.

In all,
I found a reason to take pride in my position with UPB and future aspirations. I got the chance to meet someone I look up to, aspire to be, and respect. I successfully implemented an event that I'm going to be proud of for the rest of my life.

A few committee members, my adviser, Zach, and Annie Leonard, after the event. She is the biggest sweetheart!

A day in the life of a college student.

Overworked and underpaid; hello, I am a student.

I stay up too late and get up too early. I work hard to learn what I wish, and slack off on general education classes. I don't have all my priorities straight, and I'm still trying to figure myself out. Sometimes alcohol is my friend, other times my worst enemy.

At 2:00am I could be at the bars, or in the library. I'm pretty sure the coffee shop calls my name.  Am I sick, or is it just lack of sleep? Oh how I wish I never had to get out of bed.

I miss my family. I'm nostalgic for a past life, and yet I believe the longer I'm here, the better my present and future will be.  What do I want to major in? Where will I be 4 years from now? Do you think I'll meet my future spouse here?

I must go abroad. This place opens my eyes and opens my heart to the world.
I have too many advisers that don't advise. Just get me out of here for a while!

Here's to random road trips across the state to take a break from studying. Here's to taking off our pajama pants to meet a friend at the pubs.  Here's to getting involved and loving every second of it. Here's to meeting the most amazing people of our lives. Here's to meeting our future husband or wife. Here's to music, here's to laughter, here's to love, here's to the future.

Who was I before I came here? I'm not entirely sure.

Thoughts

Just one more wordpress post I wanted to save:

29 July 2011

I constantly have so much in my head. Swirling around and usually making no sense, but still managing to stress me out. And the moment I think “hey, writing it all down might help,” I get to a computer and my mind either goes blank, or won’t focus on one thought for more than a few seconds. I end up typing a sentence and deleting it, over, and over, and over again. As you can imagine it is quite frustrating. Especially because in the end, I don’t feel any better.


Today, though, I’ve been thinking a lot about sexuality.
I have several friends who identify in the LGBT community and there is a pride parade going on today on campus. Though I called myself “straight” until I was about 18 years old, I am really happy with my decision to stop labeling myself. It wasn’t exactly that I came to any realization that I wasn’t straight, I just realized over time that in my case, it didn’t need a label. Yes, I find myself attracted to men and women, but no, I don’t need to label it bisexual. Honestly, its partially due to the fact that a lot of people think those who identify as bisexual are either sluts or looking for attention, both of which I am not.  As I said earlier, I don’t need a label.

In fact I despise labels. They only cause problems. Are you gay or straight? Pro-life or pro-choice? Republican or democrat? I feel like the constant need for us to ask these questions in order to get to know someone just hinder relationships from building and causing problems all around. Haven’t we said for years that nothing is black and white? How about this instead, we screw labels and just discuss our beliefs the way they are? If two people don’t agree, it can be because they talked it over and don’t have the same beliefs, and not because, before they even met them, they figured out they had a bad label. If that makes any sense. *sigh*

Unfortunately labels make things easier. As I realized right after I finished that sentence.
Moving along…

I think the identity crisis I experienced shortly after moving out of my parent’s house and that is still going on to this day, is really helping me become the person I want to be. I grew up in a home where my opinions, my beliefs, and my schedule were given to me and I wasn’t allowed to question them. You can imagine how exhilarating and horrifying it was to move 450 miles away from home and realize that I was indeed allowed to make my own decisions. You can also imagine how many bad decisions I made at first; all of that power and I didn’t know what to do with it or how to control it.

Lately I’ve been really hard on myself. Well, I’m always really hard on myself. But writing this post helped me a little. I’ve come to realize that I’m still in the process of creating myself. For 18 years I didn’t do that, I was the person my parents told me to be. (Though I did rebel, I still lacked personality and opinion.) And its not going to take a few short years to figure out who I am and what I need to change in order to become comfortable in my own skin. I have to have patience and allow myself to explore every corner of the world, every opportunity that comes, and every option I can take.

Re-orienting ourselves

Just transferring over some noteworthy posts from Wordpress. I'm probably deleting my Wordpress soon; Blogger is easier to figure out, for me, and its attached to all my other Google applications.

21 August 2011


I wasn’t sure what to expect as an Orientation Leader for incoming freshman this weekend. We had training all week, and it was in a lot of areas with which I was already familiar, but I still just couldn’t figure out what this was going to be like.

Could I console worried parents? Would I make sense in my casual jargon with students who have never been here before? I suppose I mostly questioned my confidence. Throughout the entire weekend I had flashbacks to my own first weekend at SCSU as a freshman. How scared I was, how confused I was, how downright awful and awkward I was. I’m really really proud of myself for connecting with some of these girls and really helping them out. I feel so accomplished for what I did for them, it just feels so good. We had a really good day getting to know each other and getting to know campus; I found their classes with them and answered their numerous questions about how things work around SCSU.

I think the only difficult part of the day was seeing sobbing moms. I walked past a dad hugging a mom saying “she’s going to be allright. She’s going to be fine.” and he looked at me as I passed to ask “she’s going to be okay, right?” I don’t know if he was asking that for himself, or his wife, but I answered “oh yes, she is in great hands and she’ll be just fine,” with a smile. At that point the mom took her head out of the dad’s shoulder and looked at me. Her sunglasses couldn’t hide the wet cheeks. I had to look away because I choked up! My parents and I teared up when we parted ways. I was so scared and alone, and this was the first experience they had parting with a child so permanently.

To some extent, I’ve gained some kind of closure by being an orientation leader for my last year here. I came full circle starting from an incoming, orientating freshman to a leader of orientation activities, and it feels good. I’m glad I got that little taste of proof that I’m really as old as I am. It’ll be a reminder for the year that I’m graduating and should find a way to get my shit together and keep it together.

I’m exhausted, but the weekend was truly worth it. I’d do it again in a heartbeat. Hell, probably even for free.

Body modifications and just why I love them so much.

Sure, it may have started out as a trend to follow:

In high school (2005-2008) I dyed my hair whenever I needed a change but didn't have enough control over my life to do anything more drastic. A few weeks into my first semester of college (2008), 450 miles from home, I pierced my nose just because I was free and felt like I could do whatever I wanted. Right before I left for Chile (2009) for 4 months I finally got the tattoo I wanted: a phrase that carried me through some hard times.

Why did I keep going, though?

I've been thinking about this for years and I came to realize it was the euphoria of finally appreciating and really liking something about myself that kept me wanting more. In high school and middle school, dealing with my pubescent body changes, dramatic friends, and not getting along with my parents were my hardest battles. I felt trapped, I felt like I had no control, there was nothing I could change, and it, as well as other personal experiences, led me to ultimately hate myself. At the same time, I started experiencing disordered eating as a way to take control. All of these are things I'm still recovering from to this day, but also something I have been dealing with, partially with the help of modifying my body to the way I like it. The little things I've done: getting tattoos, dying my hair, getting piercings, losing weight, changing my clothing style; it has all gradually added to my self-confidence and self-love.

I'm not yet to the point that I want to be, but that doesn't necessarily mean that I'm going to modify my body drastically or very much more from here. It just means I'm going to keep going wherever life is taking me.

"Running is a metaphor for life: there is always someone faster than you, and someone slower, so all you can do is keep going and put your heart into it."

 I like this quote because of everything it can apply to. In this case: sure, sometimes I compare myself to others and think "maybe I shouldn't have changed my body so much, maybe I won't be able to get the job I want, and maybe I should have learned to love myself the way I am" but I just don't think that is right. We're humans, the intelligent species of earth, and we invented body modifications for a reason. Sure they started out as spiritual reasons, but even that was something a person would do to feel PERSONALLY more connected to their god. To me, this is something I have done to myself PERSONALLY to feel more connected and one with myself, my own beliefs and spirituality. Do I see heavily modified people and think that their heavily modified body is my goal? No. To each his own, to the very end, and that is all I'll tell you if you ask me if I'm getting more.

Another thing I would like to address is body modifications in the work place. It boggles my mind how people can think that body modifications diminish a person's intelligence and render them incapable of customer service, so clearly he or she cannot be hired. I hope this doesn't sound too inappropriate, but I think this could one day be considered discrimination. On a similar note, HOW are facial piercings and unnatural hair colors "unprofessional"? You know what else is considered body modifications? Body building, losing or gaining weight, wearing make up, and painting your nails. Are those considered unprofessional? No. But its the same thing, the same category, the same concept.

Though, maybe things with society and body modifications are changing. I currently hold 5 jobs and I'm a full time student, and nobody has a problem with my own modifications (though, they're not THAT out there and obvious.)

If you're still intrigued after reading my semi-rant, do go see the documentary "Modify". Follow the link, it will change your life.

On that note, I bid you all adieu, for now.