Winter Break Ramble

It's been a week and a half since I've been off my regular class schedule. Yes, it has been an amazing relief! As I've said in this blog time and time again, the work, thought, and concentration that I've put into my studies here so far have been more challenging than anything else I've ever experienced. But I'm proud of what I've accomplished so far, and I know that in the end, every late night and lesson learned will be fully worth it. So far, it has been: my grades for my first full quarter of grad school are A-, A, A.

Next quarter, I'm signed up for 3 classes: Higher Education Law, The American Community College, and Leadership in a Pluralistic Society. The last class is in the school of Theology and Ministry: never in my life did I imagine taking a course in such a school at a private university! My honest perspective, though, is that I'm truly looking forward to the experience. I might not enjoy religion personally, but I value what we can learn from it.

I'm currently struggling with what to write for the rest of this blog post. All this extra time I have since I don't have homework anymore, has left me alone in my head all too often. I find myself analyzing my life, where it's been and where it's going. Sometimes I spend too much time thinking about the past, looking at old photos, or reading old notes. I hope that by the end of winter break, I'll have some of these thoughts straightened out so I can more smoothly move forward with my academics and new life in Seattle.

Oh Seattle.
It's been just over 6 months now- half a year. Does it feel longer? Does it feel shorter? I can't really say. I'm just really proud of Zach and I for making it. And I have to say thank you to everyone who has supported us along the way that helped make it possible. I certainly could not have done this alone, as I've said time and time again...

Alas, I shall write more when I'm in a better mood. Tonight I'm too nostalgic and can't concentrate well enough to finish this.

Here's a pic of Zach and I at the SUSDA holiday party. We look good :)

Perry's Theory of Intellectual and Ethical Development

It turns out that my question mark tattoo on my ankle (pictured below) is based on one of the Student Development theories I'm studying for class. Who knew?!? Let me explain...

When people ask "why do you have a question mark tattoo on your ankle?" I generally struggle explaining it to them exactly the way I want to. I usually say that it has to do with growing up and asking questions in order to form my own opinions; it also has a lot to do with the fact that I love learning, I'll never stop learning, and the only way to learn is to ask questions.

Well this lovely Sunday afternoon as I'm reading just a chapter of the hundreds of pages I have to get through this week, I realize that Perry's Theory of Intellectual and Ethical Development deeply captures a piece of my own development in college and movement from dependence to independence. Parry's theory says the three concepts that represent fundamental differences in the meaning-making process are duality, multiplicity, and relativism.

Here is a quote from my book:

If ideas are essentially swallowed whole from authorities such as parents, teachers, group advisors, or textbooks, if little or no questioning is part of the process of adopting these beliefs  then the process demonstrates a dualistic mode of thinking. By contrast, relativistic thinkers, when presented with ideas by an authority figure, may adopt them as their own. Along the way, they critically examine ideas and perhaps even reject them for a period. The rationale for current adherence to the beliefs reflects a more complex process of coming to conclusions, a process that includes some questioning and a contextual basis for the stance taken.

 After reading this section I had to set my book down and take a breath (and write this post) just to say "WOW!" This whole time I have been interested in and have truly valued the development of the college student to such a degree that I tattooed a piece of my own development on my body permanently; before I started studying this sort of thing! Making these personal connections to the theories I'm learning has been incredibly helpful in comprehending content.

Well, back to reading. Happy Sunday!

Progress and Updates

Behold the turtle: she only makes progress when she sticks her neck out.  -James Bryant Conant

Despite the difficulties I've been going through with balancing my jobs, school, social life, and marriage, I have to remember that I'm making progress. The amount of self-doubt that I have been experiencing has been more than I've ever endured in my entire life, yet somehow I'm still pushing forward. I must be doing something right, and I should give myself credit for it.

These first few weeks of classes nearly destroyed me, emotionally. There were a lot of complaints, a ton of tears, many late nights, and a few bottles of wine. I have never been so challenged academically, and little did I know, this is what I've wanted all along. I didn't find undergrad incredibly challenging. I certainly didn't do homework every day, like I've been doing here. I certainly didn't study and read so often. Not to mention all I do is talk about my program with Zach, with peers, with home, et cetera. Last week I broke down and went lower than I've gone before since moving here. I questioned, What am I doing here? Is this what I want? What makes me happy? Will I ever love myself? Will I ever be good at what I do? Should I have taken a year off of school? These questions look easy to read, but they were difficult to ponder. I'm spending a lot of time, money, effort, and sanity here in school thus far; I cannot be doubting it. I can't afford to.

But I realized, this is where I am right now, whatever it is. I am here, in Seattle, at Seattle University, in the SDA program, and this is what I am working toward. I'm not a quitter, and I'm going to push forward until this program is over. Despite the fact that I am not quite sure what it all means to me yet, I'm going to work my hardest and get the most out of it.

Earlier this week, Zach got hit by a car- Don't worry, he is doing fine! He had a sprained ankle and couldn't walk on it most of the week, but he can put weight on it now. I guess the lady who hit him was taking a right turn and he was crossing the street in front of her. She was paused at the light, looking left for oncoming traffic, and let her foot off the break when she hit him. My patience and abilities were truly tested when all of a sudden the cleaning, shopping, and errand duties were added to my plate. But I made it through! I wasn't the greatest, but I managed to complete all the tasks I needed and turn in all my homework on time. I thought it was going to be worse than it was, as usual, but it hasn't been so bad. I am grateful Zach has been so incredibly supportive to me; I know I couldn't make it through all of this without him.

I'm starting to get more excited about school and the program. Just recently I found out about an amazing internship opportunity that I already know I'm going to apply for. It's a paid one, and it's in KUWAIT! There are other opportunities I've found out about like positions in Perú and in other parts of the country. If there is one thing I know I want to do, it's do my internships abroad in order to broaden my global horizons and learn more about myself. I have also recently finally decided on a research topic for my Intro to Educational Research Class: I'm going to look into support for atheist students at private colleges and universities. As an atheist at a Jesuit university, I'm really interested in the information I can uncover!

And now for some sappiness...
If you're reading this, I miss you. I miss you like hell. I've never so badly wanted to return to Wisconsin and Minnesota. I've never been homesick to this outstanding degree. I want to go out in downtown Minneapolis with Salem, Tara, Christina, Justin, Robert, Rachel, Evin, and everyone else I hold dear. I want to go for a long run with Cassie and be silly with her. I want to spend time with everyone in UPB again and support them in their growth and endeavors. I want to tell my friends I love them, and hug them, and dance with them, and just be merry. I miss my family too. We had our differences in the past few years, but with our relationship rekindled and strengthening once again, I long for their support, embrace, and presence. And Zach's mom, of course. I love her like a mom, like a best friend, like a sister, like an angel. I miss everyone so goddamned much it hurts! All of you should know, we're coming back eventually! Nothing is set in stone, but we aren't going to stay away forever. And I'm so glad that Salem, Zach L, Justin, and Christina are coming to visit for New Years! You guys, we are going to have a blast, I can't wait to get crazy with you all in Seattle!

I suppose it's time for me to eat and get some homework done. I won't even tell you how much reading I have to get done for Monday, because it's enough to make me faint. Until next time...

Reflection

My decision to apply to Seattle University was a light one in comparison to the research, guidance, and work that other grad students put into finding the right program. Simply put, SU had a good reputation, a highly appealing course load, and I couldn't see anything I didn't like about it besides the fact that grad students here don't get much financial help, even with a GAship. Sometimes I think that I should have sought after an institution that would help pay for my masters, but eventually I realize, and will continue to realize, that Seattle University is going to be worth my money.

And so I find myself, an atheist, in a Jesuit university. When I was awarded a graduate assistantship, I learned that all GAs were to read sections out of two books that they sent to us: Ignatian Humanism and Heroic Leadership. When I first heard this, before I knew what the books were about, I was apprehensive to read them. I didn't want to be preached to, I didn't want to read about 'god,' I didn't want to learn to pray. I had accepted the fact that I was now enrolled in a private institution and would have to accept the differences, but I wasn't ready to be converted, by any means.

I put off reading them. I put it off and put it off, joking with my friends that I had to read "Jesus books" as part of my graduate assistantship, something I now realize could be offensive, and I regret saying it. But one day I cracked open Ignatian Humanism and dove into 15th century Spain and the life of Ignatius of Loyola, someone I didn't know existed until recently. I was fascinated by his life, failures, and successes on his way to becoming the founder of the Society of Jesus. More reading taught me about the incredible lives of other pioneers of the religion such as Matteo Ricci, Francis Xavier, and Pedro Arrupe. Ignatius's soul searching pilgrimages and deep dedication to generosity, Ricci's introduction of China to the western world, and Arrupe's incredible experiences learning from and befriending the Japanese, including living through Hiroshima with them; it is a fascinating story. I think that in the near future I will find myself reading the rest of the book, and much more than what was required of us for training.

Right now I'm still working on the other book Heroic Leadership and it is proving to be a very valuable read. According to the text, Jesuits became leaders by: understanding their strengths, weaknesses, values and worldview; confidently innovating and adapting to embrace a changing world; engaging others with a positive, loving attitude; and energizing themselves and others through heroic ambitions. No matter where I turn at this university, in readings, in work, in course preparations; I find myself learning necessary lessons for not just my future career, but also to make myself a better person. A book that I honestly thought would preach to me what I need to do in order to be a religious leader is turning out to be a no-nonsense book about how to be a real leader, from the inside, out.

Which brings me to the title of this post: reflection. It is somewhat of a joke amongst students in the SDA program that there is such copious amounts of reflection required for each course, internship, and assignment. It wasn't until I began reading these texts that I realized its necessity. The Society of Jesus was founded on the large amount of time that Ignatius had to reflect while he was ill in bed for months. Since then, his followers have known and utilized the value in reflection, and it is a practice passed down and practiced to this very day. After reading portions of these texts, the reason the students in our program have so much reflecting to do is obvious.

I never thought I'd find myself in a private university, but I'm glad I chose to come here. Thank goodness it is finally September, because I am quite impatient for classes to start! Countdown: 19 days. At least I'll get to order my books soon! Later today Zach and I are volunteering at Bumbershoot, and after our shift I get to see City and Colour perform. All in all... HAPPY WEEKEND!

Win some, lose some.

This morning I woke up, headed over to the bathroom, and turned the shower knob, but no water came out. Yes, the water main burst in the middle of the night, apparently, and I found this out after dressing and trying to track down my landlord early this morning. So I did what any water-less person has to do and used the water in the pitcher of our fridge by pouring it over my head in the tub.

I tried not to let this ruin my day, as it was my first day in the International Student Center at Seattle University as their graduate assistant. Luckily I pushed the water-less morning out of my head because I had a fantastic first day. I started my position at the ISC two weeks earlier than most GAs because I'm helping with a short term program; 17 students from Fukuoka University in Japan are here for the next two and a half weeks to study English and Law. Most of the day I set up my work station, got to know my new coworkers, and waited for the students to arrive from the airport. When they did my coworkers Nguyen, Anya, and Dominic and the staff of the ISC Dale and Sandra all met up with them and oriented them to staying in the dorms (they're staying with host families after tonight). We ate dinner with them at Cherry Street Market (the student dining hall) and then Nguyen, Anya, Dominic, and I took them for a walk down Broadway and through Cal Anderson Park. I was only able to learn a few names, but they are a wonderful group of students and I got to practice my Japanese with them. I'm really looking forward to working with them more! Since I want to work, intern, or study in Japan at some point, I'm going to ask them lots of questions and learn as much as I can.

I stayed with the Fukuoka group much later than my usual Monday office hours would go (didn't get home until past 8pm), but I was able, willing, and eager to spend time with the students so I don't mind at all. I'm sure once classes start up I won't be able to afford much extra time there.

Honestly right now I'm really bummed about this dress that just got ruined in the wash. I am the worst person to do laundry! I'm constantly shrinking, dying, or just plain ruining my clothes. I'm mostly upset because I never got the chance to wear the dress and it shrunk so badly that I will ever get to. I swear I ruin at least one item of clothing every time I do laundry. Hundreds of dollars of clothes have been wasted because I apparently cannot separate my clothes and wash them correctly. What is wrong with me? As soon as I saw the dress today I thought to myself "THIS IS WHY YOU CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS!" I've been stressing about money lately, so any time I waste something I get pretty upset.

Today was such a push and pull of good and bad happenings, hence the post's title. But I suppose that's how life works; it's not perfect all of the time. I have to learn not to fret the small stuff, but IT'S ALL THE SMALL STUFF! (I think I just stole that tagline from the book Don't sweat the small stuff). I've had a few bouts of pretty bad anxiety since arriving in Seattle, but I'm really hoping those disappear once this place starts feeling like home. Sometimes my mind compiles all of the things I could possibly worry about and makes me worry about them all at the same time. Then my poor self-image and complete lack of confidence adds fuel to the fire and I start a long, grueling, downward spiral. Thankfully I have a loving, down-to-earth partner, an affectionate cat, books, and room to do yoga in our studio; these things have been keeping my head above water so far.

But enough of the sad/anxiety crap that I dwell on too much...

I'm going to my first Seattle Sounders game on Saturday with my job at SSCC! I'm taking 19 students with me and we're going to arrive early to storm the field before the game starts. It will be my first event with students without my coworker, but I know we'll be fine. I'm really getting the hang of my position there now, thankfully.

This is my first week working both my GAship and my job at SSCC; wish me luck! My schedule is only going to get busier from here.

Grad school kickoff!

No, there wasn't a formal event to kick off my first graduate level course. I was fortunate enough to be able to register for a summer class, before my 2 year grad school journey really began.

The course, "Best Practices in Student Affairs" is taught by Dr. Jeremy Stringer, the head of the Student Development Administration department, and founder of the entire program (that began 20 years ago this year!). We meet on a strange schedule in order for the class to take field trips to various universities and colleges to tour and learn about how their student affairs departments are managed. We had class from 9 to 5 last Thursday, with lectures and a presentation from SU's civic engagement department, and Sunday we left for the University of Idaho for 2 nights.

Being able to go to the University of Idaho with my 10 other classmates was an incredible experience. We Stayed in their LLCs (Living and Learning communities) which were only built a few years ago, and incredibly spacious. We arrived Sunday evening and met Denise Carl for dinner, an SU SDA alum  who now works in student engagement at the University of Idaho. Over dinner, we got to know Denise quite a bit and my classmates and I were buzzing with excitement for the next day.

Monday morning we got breakfast at the U of Idaho's student dining hall called Bob's at 7:30am. After breakfast we met up with Melinda Lewis, a graduate student, and she gave us a campus tour and briefed us about the Greek population there.

After that we met with Bruce Pitman, the Vice Provost for Student Affairs and Dean of Students. He taught us a lot about their structure, student learning outcomes, mission, and student body. I was very interested and constantly soaking up every word he said about their institution. I was intrigued to find out that the University of Idaho did a lot of collaborating with Washington State University because it lies just 8 miles away from the U of I on the other side of the state border. They even, without knowing it, chose the same common reading book that year, and have begun collaborating on that project.

I guess they've had a tough year when it comes to student deaths. Usually there is 3-5, but last year they had 14, and one case was a faculty member murdering a student. They've had a tough year, but you can really tell they've worked hard and kept everything in tact and running smoothly. I truly am grateful I got to meet and connect with the student affairs professionals at University of Idaho. They all are exceptional people and I do hope I can meet with them again some day.

the view from the meditation room in the student union. So beautiful

We also met Jeanne Christiansen, the Vice Provost for Academic Affairs. She and Bruce are practically attached at the hip, working in sync for the greater good of the students.

Right before lunch we met another Bruce, Bruce Mann, the Volunteer Center Coordinator. I think he blew us all away with his passion and dedication for his job. Starting out as a marketer and promoter for their campus recreation department, he knew what he always wanted to do, and jumped on the opportunity when he saw the open position in their volunteer center. It was interesting listening to him talk; he repeated a lot of the same values and goals that the Seattle University community engagement department listed. I guess they go on service trips several times a year, and there are at least two abroad trips each year.  My favorite, and maybe a quite obvious, lesson from Bruce was that service learning trips must be mutually beneficial for both the students and the community, otherwise it is not successful. Listening to him speak got me even more interested in working with civic engagement on a campus. I'm considering that area much more strongly now.

After lunch we met Ray Gasser, Director of University Housing, and Matt Kurz, Director of Greek Life. They discussed and shared their successes and challenges in student housing. U of Idaho has a large population of students involved in greek life, and there is apparently a lot of pressure to join fraternities and sororities. Ray was telling us about Res Life's challenge and goal to make achievement possible for everyone. They've developed strategies and systems for identifying students at risk and have successfully used it to help students.

I was glad we got to visit the U of I Women's Center, because I find a lot of merit in the department in general. Heather Gasser, Ray's wife, is the director there and she told us about the incredible upbringing of the Women's Center and the LGBTQA Center. In 2008, U of I did not have an LGBTQA Center. I can't recall what happened when, but eventually they created an LGBTQA Resource Center in an office within the Women's Center, but obviously the need for a more welcoming and larger space brought the center out of there and into the student union. Unfortunately the Women's Center is still located in the basement of a building that mostly houses a gymnasium. Just one of the amazing things their center does is have an Emergency Scholarship Fund, mostly for LGBTQA students. A prime example of when a student would apply for use of this funding is if they came out as lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgender and their parents cut them off completely. The funding is for those students who suddenly find themselves with little to no support and need financial assistance to continue. Heather told us about a particular student who was completely cut off from her parents after coming out and her parents actually reported the car that they had given her as stolen.

they have a library in their women's center!

At the end of the day we met again with Bruce Pitman, Vice Provost for Student Affairs and Dean of Students, as well as with Sharon Fritz, a psychologist in the counseling and testing center, currently interim in the student conduct department. They titled their topic of discussion "Campus Safety and Student Welfare post-Virginia Tech era). With higher expectations and student/family fearing American campuses, the post-Virginia Tech era has brought the need for more intervention and intense preparation/detection of and for student safety. Every week they have campus safety meetings with individuals from all over departments and campus areas to discuss students of concern, etc. With the high number of student deaths this past year, they've had a lot to talk about and a lot of new strategy to implement. A good lesson I took away from this discussion was that as graduate students in the field, we should prepare ourselves for the tough situations that WILL come our way, such as those that these professionals have had to deal with. We know student affairs is an enjoyable and rewarding field, but we have to keep in mind there are things such as conflicts, emergencies, and deaths that we will eventually have to deal with in our future positions.

At the end of the day during a wrap up talk with Bruce, we asked him what his mission and vision was for the University of Idaho. He answered:
1) A comprehensive freshman year experience. As of now, U of I has a 79% freshman to sophomore year retention rate, and Bruce would like to see 85%.
2) More space for services to be more efficient in their duties. This way they can provide all students with high impact engagement services.
3) More comprehensive services for first generation students.

Another good point he had:

• If they admit students with a need (first gen, veteran, etc) they must be able to accomodate for those needs, they must be able to provide the services for them. Washington State Unviersity, just 8 miles from U of I across the Washington-Idaho border, recently lowered their admission requirements. The following year they had an unusually large freshman class, however they didn't hire extra staff in student support. Bruce is interested to see the retention rate between year one and year two after the students realize the lack of support. 

Some of the U of Idaho swag they gave us!

At 6:00pm they served us catered dinner (I had an amazing portobello mushroom cap while everyone else had chicken; guess I was the only vegetarian). We got the opportunity to sit with and talk with many of the professionals that we met that day as well as others we had not yet interacted. 

I sat next to Colleen Quinn, Director of Student Engagement. I learned a lot from her. It was actually her first day on the job, but she seemed to be really enjoying it there, and I was not surprised. As I've mentioned, the staff and faculty there seem to be incredible individuals. 

All in all,

I learned SO MUCH from this experience. I'm so glad that I was able to enroll in this summer class. It was wonderful getting to know my classmates on a deeper level, as well as having the opportunity to speak with Jeremy Stringer, director of the SDA program at SU, one-on-one. Now more than ever I am excited for classes to start up in the fall. Now all I need is a job to keep us afloat and my anxieties will be gone!

Today Zach might have a job opportunity up in Redmond, so I'm going up there with him today and we might explore that area when he is done. Seattle has been good to us so far!

The future is becoming clearer

my ideal career future, that is.

(I wrote the following yesterday morning, actually. I just couldn't post because we didn't have Internet and I didn't get to the public library!)

I think I'm finally starting to figure things out when it comes to my future career.  After discovering the student affairs field and consequently choosing it without hesitation for my future, I've come to realize it is a much larger field than I initially thought. Not only are there many specific areas of student affairs (student activities, student career centers, civic engagement, et cetera) but of course there are different levels and positions within those areas that I did not consider before. For instance, managing the student affairs office, assessing the development of a student affairs department, managing a student union, it's facilities, or directing the entire student life department.

I chose the field for several reasons. 1) I know that advising students is something I can be good at with practice and something I want to excel in. I moved from Milwaukee, WI, my hometown, to St. Cloud, MN for my undergraduate studies completely alone.  I turned to whatever department I could find for advice, activities, and advising because I just didn't know what to do with myself. It quickly became an identity crisis; a common phenomena of new students like I was. Searching for advice became a game; each department I visited gave me pamphlets, resources, and/or calendars of events and I gobbled it up. Resources! Free! What can I do with all this! Cool! I wanted to utilize all of them to better myself, make friends, and truly take advantage of my college experience; and that's what I ended up doing, though after some peer encouragement. 2) The university/college setting is where I feel that I fit in when it comes to a work place. Some would argue that I just don't want to leave my college life behind or I'm too afraid of change to start working in a company or firm. Let me lay it out for you: I thrive in changing environments, working with people, and being in more open minded communities. I've worked as a campus event planner for the last two years of my college career, so I already know what it is like to work in such an environment, and I already know that it is the environment for me. 3) Education is constantly growing/improving and education is everywhere. Student affairs may not academically instruct students, but it is still an incredibly valuable part of post secondary education, as I am beginning to learn in my studies at SU. When I was young the job I wanted "when I grew up" was to be a teacher. I couldn't explain it then, but now I know it was a precursor to my desire to work in an educational setting. When I say education is everywhere, I mean education can take me anywhere! Even if I don't work in a university, the things I learn from a student affairs program is going to be incredibly applicable in different educational institutions and I'm even looking forward to grasping that opportunity.

Of course, I could go on, but those are the main reasons I chose the field. The past few months it has been a struggle whether or not to decide what specific area I wanted to specialize in, if any. I loved the idea of working in a student career services center; helping students establish career paths, helping them find jobs in the area, et cetera. However, I couldn't find a passion for it. I considered student activities, where I have years of positive experience as an undergraduate, but my heart wasn't in that path 100%. The past year or so I've been looking at what I can do abroad, and I've dappled in researching working in an education abroad office, but I hadn't really been serious about it until recently. Here in Seattle I have been fortunate to come across several job postings that have helped me clarify the skills I want to attain and the responsibilities I want to practice in my daily work. It's a match made in heaven: I can advise students, I can work with people abroad, I can travel abroad, I can run orientation programs, I can use my Spanish skills, the list goes on! I have more research to do, but I'm confident that this is the area I want to work in. 

I do have one reservation about my career aspirations. Many can argue that student affairs in general doesn't exactly save lives, its not changing the future of a third world country, nor does it have much to do with national social justice issues. A long time ago I decided I wanted to work in whatever field would make an important difference in the world. You can argue that student affairs has the capability to make worldly and significant changes, but I can't get over the fact that in this day and age, the rich and privileged are still the majority of college students. The last thing I want to be is some superficial director of a study abroad office designing incredibly expensive programs for upper class students who might not take the program very seriously anyway. 

Well, what exactly do I want to do with an education abroad position, then?

There are a few things I am sure of:

I want to make programs affordable for everyone. I want to include civic engagement in all abroad experiences. I want to be a resource and friend for all the students who walk into my office and tell me how badly they want to experience the world around them. I want to design orientation programs and return programs for study abroad students in order for them to get the most out of their experience. I want to expose students who have never left the country to environments they'd never imagined before. I want to make sure they never forget their experience, and never forget that there is more to the world than their city or state. I want to involve them in something bigger than themselves.

And so my journey continues. I'm going to start searching for professional development opportunities that would give me an advantage in the education abroad field, as well as search for positions in Seattle that will help me develop relevant skills. I'm looking forward to everything I'm going to learn in the next few years in the Student Development Administration program at Seattle University so that I can apply it to my career plan.

Its an incredible relief and excitement to finally know what I want to do with my future.

Spring Break

YEAH PARTIES ON THE BEACH, WOOO!!!
...
NOT.

Zach worked overnights the first weekend and I didn't do much. I had started polishing my cover letters and resumes to send them out to places in Seattle. Sunday I think I sent out my first 10 or 11 and throughout the week I only added a few more making the grand total of applications I sent out 14.

Erica, my friend from my hometown, drove up to Minnesota from Wisconsin to hang out with people she'd met here and visit with me. We met up in the cities at Chino Latino for my roommate's birthday and from there we went to Gay 90s night club and had a fantastic night there.

Erica and I didn't do much together, but we both needed the break. I showed her around St. Cloud a bit, we hit up the mall and got some amazing deals (for instance, I got 2 bras for $2!). After she left Wednesday I had a 3 to 10:30 shift at the gas station.

Thursday I think I snuggled up with Zach a bit, spent some time with him and sent out a few more job applications, looked at hundreds more. Friday I worked from 1pm to 11pm at Cenex and Saturday took on a 8am to 3pm shift. Went for a run afterwards and while Zach was at work I met up with some people and we hung out at the pubs for a bit. Zach joined us after work and it was fun.

And, suddenly it's Sunday. I've been recovering from last night (and my run yesterday) and playing a bit of video games all day. I watched an australian movie called Mary and Max; it was incredibly sad but a really good story that apparently was based on true events.

It's almost 9pm and soon I'll have to crack open my Personality Psych book and catch up on some readings; but it's okay because I LOVE reading for personality psych. I can't help but want to share/discuss everything I learn.

I do NOT want to go back to the grind tomorrow! I knew spring break would be the biggest tease for my stress. The crazy starts all over: Monday 9am to 11am FORL office, 11:15 to 4:30 Internship at Element, and then from 5 to 10:30 I have a shift at the gas station. If it sounds awful that's because it IS awful. From there the week only gets more full and stressful.

Enough complaining.
I have good news/updates

I spoke with the department chair of the Student Development Administration program at Seattle University because I had some questions regarding my status on the waiting list, what to do about graduate assistantships, and whether I should fill out FAFSA. He instructed me to be "cautiously optimistic" that I will move up the waiting list and be admitted into the program. He also said the search committee loved my application and were sad they couldn't invite all qualified candidates to the program (there are only 25 seats, I believe!) Apparently there have been several candidates who denied their accpetance and he thinks there will "undoubtedly be more."

I started FAFSA yesterday :D
Also, I'm fairly confident in my job search. I am applying to jobs that I feel qualified for and with all of my resume and cover letter practice, they're only getting better and better and I have faith I'll find a job out there. I just gotta keep sending out those apps. I can't get a job if I don't try!

The end result:

isn't actually an end result. As you might know, I applied to grad school. In the beginning of February, I received the letter I had been waiting anxiously for since January 14. I cried when I read the words "unfortunately" and "regret;" however after a more cautious read, it turns out I'm on a waiting list for the program.

I turned to the Internet and asked what this could mean. Some say my chances are very high, some say it depends on the school, most say to wait on getting any word until at least after most universities host their preview/interview days because that is when candidates are most likely to chose which school they want to attend.

The excitement and strong desire I have to attend this school and program weighs so heavy on my chest: I can't believe I have to wait even longer!  At least I can say I don't know where the month of February went and I'm hoping the rest of the time I have to wait goes just as fast.

But now, the back up job search.
Where to even begin?
One of the graduate assistants in the University Program Board office helped me find a lot of resources. Man, we have THE BEST graduate assistants in our department this year. They're all so kind, intelligent, and willing to go out of their way to help you! By now, it has added up to multiple hours that Anthony has sat down with me and showed me where to find jobs I'm qualified for. Him and Nathaniel (the graduate assistant for student organizations) have both shown me websites to find the best programs in Student Affairs and where they are. I feel so incredibly grateful that I've met them and they've been so willing to help me. After I received the waiting list news, I felt so hopeless, and now I'm not!

My spring break will consist of filling out a multitude of job applications. For everywhere. I'd like to set a goal of about 5 applications a day. If I don't have something lined up in my field or in something related to my field by the end of April, then all of May will be spent looking for jobs that don't require a bachelor's degree, but will at least afford to keep Zach and I out of debt/trouble when we move out there.

Life in general has been better lately.
The two biggest events of my year as National Events coordinator with UPB are officially over and I couldn't be more happy/proud. Cornel West came on January 28 and Sherman Alexie was just this past Wednesday on February 22. Both were very trying experiences, but also incredible learning experiences when it comes to LARGE event planning, and much collaboration.

Sherman Alexie, the author of SCSU's common reading program text, had 900 attendees! Cornel West had 1200, if I didn't mention that already. I am blown away at the success of the National Events this year! As stressed as I've been, it has been so worth it finally being in a position that I'm passionate about. I know I'm going to look back on this year as a difficult one, but also an incredible one. I'm really going to go out with a bang. 

My internship with Element Mental Health Services is going well too. So far I've contacted hundreds of schools and area organizations in the search for support and advertising of the LGBTQA friendly prom we are planning for the St. Cloud area. Someday I'll make a much longer post about it. For now, this post has already been too scattered. I must get ready for a meeting with my supervisors. Adieu! 

Student Affairs; why?

I'm very curious as to how my friends, coworkers, and supervisors feel about my goals to pursue a degree in student development administration and work in student affairs.

When my husband was revising one of my essays for the graduate school application, one of his comments was "include why you feel the need to be involved; is it just to relive your college days?" and since then I've been wondering if that's what people assume when I tell them my goals; that I don't want to leave college campuses because I don't want to leave my "young self" or something.

Let me lay it out for you.

In my quest for the perfect major, I found a heartfelt passion in community psychology. Each and every class was relevant to my interests, though in the end I resolved that I didn't want to be a counselor, like the program steers you to do. I learn about human differences, human development, personalities, counseling strategies, conflict resolution, working effectively in groups, and more. The combination of classes, the supportive department chair who was kind enough to answer all of my questions, the structure, the ethics, it all spoke to me, told me that the helping profession was where I belonged.

But where to go from there, I asked myself?
I didn't want to work with children, social work was not quite my forte, and one-on-one counseling didn't feel right for me.

Working in student affairs exposed me to higher education administration and student development theories and practices. Though when I joined student activities my second semester of college I had no idea I wanted a future in student affairs, I know now that my commitment to campus involvement over the past 3.5 years has proven to me I'm doing the right thing by applying for programs in student development administration.

I love being a resource, helping my friends, and doing everything I can to make those around me comfortable and smiling. In a position in student affairs, I can be a resource for students every day, whether they're eager and excited for the future, or need a little motivation and help.

We hear that college is an experience; more than a place you take classes and eventually earn a degree, and everyone who has been through college before would most likely agree. In my college experience I have discovered so much about myself, and made something out of myself, whereas before, I had no hope for my future.   I want to pass on my passion, stories of growth, counseling experience, and people skills to the future students of the world. I want to make my mark on education and be innovative in the student development field. I can't see myself being content in any other type of work.

Right now, I wish I could be more optimistic about my grad school app. I'm pretty confident in myself about my application materials and ability to complete the program, but at the same time I want to be overly realistic and not set myself up for a huge disappointment just in case. It should be a crime making us wait an entire month to know the fate of our educational future!