"What's alive in you?"

It has taken me quite some time to truly figure out who I am and what makes me tick. As a teenager, and young adult, I've struggled with discerning my own identity and personality. I'm not going to tell you I have it all figured out now, because I certainly don't, but I do want to acknowledge how far I've come. I feel as though I recently made a lot of progress developmentally in relationships, be it with friends, acquaintances, or strangers.

Since moving to Seattle, I've encountered more homeless individuals in the past year than I did in my entire life. For the first few months, I struggled with A) interacting with them, and B) not having my spirits crushed every time I walked by one. Growing up, I was fortunate and privileged enough not to experience much poverty in my neighborhood or my household. It makes me feel vulnerable and naïve to admit my lack of experience with social justice in general, but better late than never, right? As a "poor grad student," I very rarely handed out money to panhandlers, despite my crushing guilt. Each day I'd vow to do something to change this habit, but I never quite knew what to do with my limited resources and knowledge.

Yesterday morning I noticed that a loaf of bread I hadn't touched yet was about to expire. I don't know where the idea came from, but the thought popped into my head that I could give it to homeless individuals on my way to internship downtown that day. I decided to make some peanut butter & jelly sandwiches and include inspirational quotes in the bags.

That was the easy part. The hard part was approaching strangers. I was clueless as to what I should say and how they might react. Another question that crossed my mind was: how was I going to pick and choose the four strangers to offer sandwiches to out of the hundreds that I might see that day?

I walked down to the Seattle waterfront, took a deep breath, and approached a homeless man holding a cardboard sign that said "Anything helps."

"Hi, sir."

"Hi, can you help me?"

"I don't have any change, but I had some extra food in my place. Can I offer you a peanut butter and jelly sandwich?"

"Yes, please, thank you so much. God bless. You are kind."

And that was that! The rest of the sandwiches went fast. I actually had 2 individuals turn down my offer, but I guess it's comforting to know that they weren't as desperate as I thought they were. For each sandwich, as I walked away from the person I would turn around and watch as they read the quote. All 4 of them smiled, and some even looked up at me to nod or wave.

After the experience, I felt so incredible. I walked home that day with a genuine bounce in my gait. I know I can't solve homelessness, but if I can make just a tiny dent, and encourage others to help here and there, we can make a difference in the lives of so many people, right in our own communities. Plus, I didn't waste that entire loaf of bread!

I think my decision to hand out sandwiches stemmed unconsciously from the positive experience I've been having at Summer Search Seattle as their intern. Summer Search (SS) is a college access non-profit organization, whose mission is to "find resilient low-income high school students and inspire them to become responsible and altruistic leaders by providing year-round mentoring, life-changing summer experiences, college advising, and a lasting support network." My position there partially entails advising/mentoring high school seniors on their transition to college. One of my first days on the job, I got to meet a lot of the seniors involved with SS at an event where they shared their stories, fears, and future plans. Most of these individuals have endured intense and personal hardships, some I can't imagine experience myself as a 17/18 year old. It was so inspirational to hear about their growth and dedication to improving themselves, and from the first week at this internship I knew my heart would be set on this career.

My supervisor has been an incredible resource, mentor, and friend to me as well; that's another big reason I love this internship. The rest of the staff in the Seattle branch are also incredibly welcoming and kind. I feel as though I fit in well with this crowd, if only because we have in common an innate desire to help people and build community.

I'm finding my niche (FINALLY!). I'm finding my way. I'm finding myself.

I want to help people, but I want to help people in the most meaningful way that I can. Unfortunately, student affairs in general hasn't been fulfilling for me, but I think I've found what I need/want in the college access area. Here I can really make a difference in people's lives, and develop those personal relationships I've always wanted.

Since I'm on the topic of homelessness, I also wanted to reflect about an article I read in Real Change newspaper, whose mission is "to provide opportunity and a voice for low-income and homeless people while taking action for economic justice." The article, titled Ending Homelessness, One Tweet at a Time, was about media guru Mark Horvath. Mark experienced homelessness for quite some time when he lost his job and his home; he now encourages homeless people to use social media to share their stories via invisiblepeople.tv. The article included an interview with him, and there was a quote that struck my heartstrings so hard that I had to put the paper down and grin. This man helped me explain my own sentiment perfectly:

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is what's been alive in me lately.

***

A few weeks ago, hubby asked me "What's alive in you?"
I was taken aback by the question. Usually when I come home, he asks "how are you?" "how was your day?" This one made me turn inwards, reflect, and think. What is alive in me? What means the most to me right now in this moment? 

He has asked me the question several times since, and I fall more and more in love with it every time. It makes me think about what's really going on in my head mentally and physically in a certain moment. It forces me be more conscious of my thoughts and intensions. I plan on asking myself this question daily from here on out. 

So, readers: What is alive in you?

Winter Break Ramble

It's been a week and a half since I've been off my regular class schedule. Yes, it has been an amazing relief! As I've said in this blog time and time again, the work, thought, and concentration that I've put into my studies here so far have been more challenging than anything else I've ever experienced. But I'm proud of what I've accomplished so far, and I know that in the end, every late night and lesson learned will be fully worth it. So far, it has been: my grades for my first full quarter of grad school are A-, A, A.

Next quarter, I'm signed up for 3 classes: Higher Education Law, The American Community College, and Leadership in a Pluralistic Society. The last class is in the school of Theology and Ministry: never in my life did I imagine taking a course in such a school at a private university! My honest perspective, though, is that I'm truly looking forward to the experience. I might not enjoy religion personally, but I value what we can learn from it.

I'm currently struggling with what to write for the rest of this blog post. All this extra time I have since I don't have homework anymore, has left me alone in my head all too often. I find myself analyzing my life, where it's been and where it's going. Sometimes I spend too much time thinking about the past, looking at old photos, or reading old notes. I hope that by the end of winter break, I'll have some of these thoughts straightened out so I can more smoothly move forward with my academics and new life in Seattle.

Oh Seattle.
It's been just over 6 months now- half a year. Does it feel longer? Does it feel shorter? I can't really say. I'm just really proud of Zach and I for making it. And I have to say thank you to everyone who has supported us along the way that helped make it possible. I certainly could not have done this alone, as I've said time and time again...

Alas, I shall write more when I'm in a better mood. Tonight I'm too nostalgic and can't concentrate well enough to finish this.

Here's a pic of Zach and I at the SUSDA holiday party. We look good :)

Whirlwind

The past week has been crazy. Not as crazy as my last two semesters in undergrad (we all know THAT was crazy) but crazy in comparison to how sedentary life has been in the past two months. I know we've been exploring Seattle, volunteering, and partaking in some events, but nothing had real purpose for me. Not until I had a job in my field, I began working towards something, and time started to fly.

Monday, Wednesday, Thursday I spent at my GAship. Most of my tasks were being a helper/organizer when they went out on outings. A few times I briefly met my supervisor Ryan and he got me up to speed about the basics of the SU International Student Center. Other than that, I was out on the town with the Fukuoka group. I learned a lot and had great fun; I'm delighted to have an opportunity to improve my Japanese. Monday I showed them around Capitol Hill and ate dinner with them. I also got to know two undergraduate students who also work in the ISC On Wednesday I got to go to Bainbridge Island with them, to visit the Bainbridge Japanese History Museum; Friday I went to the Courthouse and Mayor's Office for Senior Services while they interviewed personnel for their research; today I went to a Mariner's game with them. How lucky am I!

Me, Nguyen, and Dom at the history museum

Tuesday and Thursday at SSCC I put in some hours planning for the upcoming events and working on Orientation stuff. Thursday the Level II IEP students threw a graduation party for the IEP Level V group; the students did an amazing job planning the event and impressed everyone there. I enjoyed the opportunity to get to know some of the international students better.

Saturday I took SSCC IP students to the Seattle Sounders VS the Vancouver Whitecaps game. At 11:30 we made our way down to Occidental park where before every game they host a rally for Sounders fans. People were chanting, singing along with Sound Wave, their pep band, and yelling fight songs as we marched to the stadium. The students loved it, I loved it, and I'm already so hooked on the Sounders that I've been looking up what Google claims are the best bars to go to to watch Sounders games. Also I've been trying to find jerseys online, though I definitely can't afford one right now (or for a while). My favorite chant was "Nobody likes us, and WE DON'T CARE!" Oh you pretentious Seattle hipsters :P You are something.

I haven't come home exhausted every day since May. Honestly, it's a nice change to be back in a busy schedule. I feel so great about getting a job and working toward something greater, but I can't help but feel awful for Zach. I mean, he's fine and happy for the most part, but I just want him to find whatever makes him happy. Be it going back to school, finding a specific job, or whatever. We're going to be fine with money, I just want both of us to settle in and get comfortable, mostly since I've dedicated the next two years of my life here. Another sad fact is that come September 19 when classes start up, I don't know when I'll ever see Zach. There are two days per week that I'll probably be gone for 14 hours minimum, and I know that any spare time will need to be spent studying.

I do have faith though. Things will work out. We're doing amazing so far. For two relatively independent young people across the country, we have a roof over our heads, a bed to sleep on, and food in the fridge. We must still be doing pretty damn well.

Last night I volunteered at Hempfest in Myrtle Edwards Park. I helped sell merch and gave directions to attendees. I was going to go back tonight and help again but I'm not feeling the greatest. I'm starting to think it's due to the whirlwind week I just endured. And I didn't even mention the emotional turmoil it took on me. Time to rest up.

With that, I bid you adieu; ja ma ta ne (see you later!)

Before I wrap this up, I must point out that Ratatat is an amazing band to listen to while I'm blogging. Maybe their beats coincide with the rhythm I type at... regardless, check them out. Very chill and enjoyable.

Scrumptious Seattle

Our fridge may be empty most of the time, and our furniture and clothing might all be from the thrift store, but damn, we are doing good out here, I have to admit. I know I may be pessimistic sometimes, but how can I really complain when we can afford rent, groceries, and even a few treats? Our hard work is continuously paying off and it's a huge relief that things are working out. I'll confess, I didn't have a lot of faith in my own future; beyond St. Cloud was vague and risky and I couldn't imagine where I'd be in the next year. But here we are; roof over our heads, bellies full of food, happy pets, and a modest, glorious life.

I spent a relaxing evening reading by the piers last week.

I have just one more week of an easy schedule (one job 17 hours per week) until my graduate assistantship starts on August 13; then I'll be working 37 hours per week minimum. I'm starting to get more emails about starting my program and I'm getting more and more excited! There are some orientations and other things to attend and I'm really looking forward to getting to know and spending time with my cohort. I can't afford to buy my books yet, but I'm really looking forward to when I do. I actually have to read books for my GAship. I guess it's also a class called Jesuit 101: Introduction to Higher Education. The books we have to read are Ignatian Humanism by Ronald Modras and Heroic Leadership by Chris Lowney. I've only skimmed both of the books, but I think they're going to be interesting. I have so much to learn when it comes to student affairs and higher education that I'm itching for this program to start! I feel as though summer is crawling by. Of course, we all know time will fly when the program actually begins.

Eventually I have to work on getting a Washington driver's license. Well, not eventually, more like as soon as I can. I can use my Minnesota license, but since I'll be reserving vans to use for my position at South Seattle Community College, I really should get a Washington license like the DMV expects you to do within 30 days of moving. I'm a little upset because I got my Minnesota one just over 1 year ago! It'll be good to have an up-to-date identification card, I guess.

On Friday Zach and I picnicked at Alki Beach. We took the bus there from downtown and packed a blanket, sandwiches and grapes. Alki Beach is so beautiful! You can see a ton of the islands in the sound, plus an entire mountain range and several peaks. If you're at the far end of the beach you can see the Space Needle. I'm glad we went on Friday because the Blue Angles were practicing and when they fly over our neighborhood we can't hear anything! The best part was seeing them flying over the city on the West Seattle Bridge. I wish I could have taken a picture!

This is just a glimpse of the views you can see of Seattle from West Seattle!

Here was our view for our picnic. Just behind the hill on the right is the Space Needle.

Honeymoon phase or not, I'm still so in love with Seattle. The beauty of the pacific northwest and Seattle as a city itself is still awe inspiring after over 2 months of living here. There is always things to do, places to go, and people to meet. I can already imagine us coming back here to live. Maybe we'll even spend more than just two years here. But you never know! Zach and I do talk about Japan a lot.

August! Whoa!

I really enjoy observing my own adjustments to the move, new city, and new people. I might still have moments of loneliness or loss, but the differences between the Catie that moved to Seattle on June 8th and the Catie who is perusing the streets like a true Seattleite on August 1st are obvious and immense. The best part about it is the lesson; because we all know I'm going to be adjusting to several new, big cities in my future. These obstacles, these observations, they're all preparing me for the adventure that is my future, and the fact that I walk the streets with confidence and eagerly head to work in the morning gives me great hope.

Thank goodness I am getting used to my new office at SSCC! Being the new person is something I have always hated; the constant questions, the awkwardness, and not knowing exactly where to be or what to do all drives me crazy. Though I'm struggling with the vast amount of freedom I have in this position, it's nice to have that for a change. Last week the other Activities Coordinator, Nathan, and I took groups of international students to the Microsoft Visitor Center on Friday and volunteered with them with EarthCorps at a trail in West Seattle on Saturday. It was the smiling, laughing international students that reassured me, once again, that I am going into the right field. Some of them got to Skype their families in other countries when we were visiting Microsoft! Others learned a ton about identifying local and invasive plant species when we were volunteering. In the future we have planned some hikes, historical tours, and tourist attractions planned for them. I'm most looking forward to new student orientation this fall quarter; Nathan and I get to spearhead the whole day! Maybe I'm just still in the honeymoon period, but right now I'd say I love this job so much I'd do it for free. (Just don't tell them that!)

Now that it's August, that means my first day as a graduate assistant is less than 2 weeks away! I think I have a solid schedule hammered out between my two jobs. It will be soon enough that classes get added in to that as well. Though nothing can compare to my ridiculously over-involved undergrad experience, this will be a challenge I know. But hey, what's a better way to grow than to challenge myself?

It's another day at the grind for me tomorrow. I am already looking forward to the weekend, though. My mornings have just been super crappy; but maybe that's just because my body is used to waking up at its leisure.

Sidenote: Odin is psychotic right now. For those of you who know him, yes, his pupils are 100% dilated, he is running top speed around the studio, and every so often grabbing someone's limb and biting it before dashing off again. Psycho kitty! And now he is begging Zach hardcore for some yum yums. I guess that means it's time for me to go spoil my cat.

While I'm gone, check out this picture I took of a guy washing windows on a skyscraper:

I believe it's the One Union Square building!

It's getting better all the time

(FRIDAY)

Today was my second day at work for South Seattle Community College (SSCC) International Programs (IP) office. From 8am to 1pm I was training to run the front desk, answer inquiries, file paperwork, and learning FERPA (Federal Educational Rights and Privacy Act, I think). I have never felt so welcome at a place of employment quite like the welcome I felt here. In the afternoon my coworker came in and he and I took 3 international students on an outing to Bite of Seattle, a food festival at the Seattle Center showcasing local eateries, bands, and artisans.  It was a wonderful day and I know I'm really going to enjoy this place when fall quarter comes and everything picks up again.

I'm still adjusting to this place.  Zach is doing better than me. I just have to be so damn emotional and have this insatiable urge to feel "at home." It'll come soon enough, but I have to work for it by putting myself out there and gaining some self confidence.

We got some rain today; something I really should try and become more familiar with. I somehow got rid of every waterproof clothing item I ever had before we moved out here. Yesterday I managed to find 2 nice shirts and a blazer I can wear to work at the thrift store; I was ecstatic because I really needed some more dress clothes. If only I got lucky there more often! It's always hit or miss, you have to be patient when you shop there. Though it can be a fun game, you can't rarely accomplish a specific clothing mission there.

(SATURDAY)

Di and Mitch, on their way out to California, are stopping in Seattle today! I think we're going to take them to the Bite of Seattle event that I went to yesterday for work. They'll like it, I'm sure. Free food and entertainment, where can you go wrong? I actually really enjoyed myself there; there is so much food to try and lots to look at. The Seattle Center is a fantastic place to put on events. Summer here is THE BEST; there are festivals every weekend and always things to do! Today at the Seattle Art Museum Sculpture Park they have free yoga on the lawn at 10:30 as well as a free sketch class where they supply you with what you need to learn to draw in the park.

I just have to go back to talking about my job at SSCC to say how much I really am going to love it. I'm back in event planning and I'm going to be making a positive impact on the lives of international students there. And for an amazing pay, that I feel that I'll hardly deserve! I'm grateful for this wonderful opportunity with them :)

Things are going to start picking up for me. Sunday I'm going to Alki Beach with my future supervisor of my graduate assistantship along with two NUFP (NASPA undergraduate fellowship program) interns. We're going to get some lunch and then he's going to show us the beach. I guess there is a little statue of liberty there? The following weeks are mostly full of my 17 max hours at SSCC (or at whatever venue the event is that we take students too). My graduate assistantship is going to start 2 weeks early so that I can gain experience working with the Fukuoka program. The program brings I think around 30 japanese students from Fukuoka University over here for two weeks to study, experience the surrounding area, and practice their English. At the end of the academic year, I will be helping plan the program with my supervisor. I'm really looking forward to it!

Also, I have been looking at LOTS of programs abroad.

(SUNDAY)


I kept putting off posting this post so I kept getting time frames confused and I have no idea what tense to write in, haha!

Blood, sweat, and tears

Our first 5 weeks in Seattle haven't been 100% blood, sweat, and tears, but if you asked me how I felt about moving the day before we left St. Cloud, you would have found me curled up in a ball on the floor of our empty closet with wet, swollen eyes sobbing about how we're not going to make it.

Looking back on August of 2008, the days before I left New Berlin, Wisconsin for St. Cloud State University in Minnesota, I cannot recall how I felt about the whole thing. There was so much to prepare for in the days leading to my departure that by now everything in my memory is a blur. The only thing I remember is the moment I hugged my parents goodbye on campus; I saw their eyes getting wet and as they turned away, my own tears started flowing without my consent. I turned around and looked at Mitchell Hall, my new home, and never felt so alone in my life. There was not one person in the entire city who's name I knew besides my roommate's.

Four years of SCSU later I found myself with quality friendships, multiple jobs, internships, and a husband. Everything worked out. That first year was hard, and so was the last year, but everything worked out. I have to remember that while I'm in Seattle. I have to remember that every time that we move (because we plan on moving around a lot).

Tomorrow marks 5 weeks here. Yesterday, I was offered two part-time positions in my field. One is a graduate assistantship at Seattle University with the International Student Center and the other position is the Activities and Events Coordinator with South Seattle Community College.  I am delighted that my hard work and dedication paid off. Of course, I couldn't have done it with a little help from some new friends. Melissa was a girl in my summer class; she let me know about the International Student Center deciding to hire a second graduate assistant because she works there as one. Lindsey, another girl in my summer class, actually works in the same office at South Seattle Community College, where I got my position, and put in good words for me. Thank you so much, you two! I appreciate your help and support.

Tonight we're going out for food and drinks, partially because I haven't seen people from my class in a while, partially because I want to go out and celebrate getting job(S)!

It's been such a productive week, I feel incredible. My Google calendar is filling up nicely again. Remember this?

August 2011 - May 2012: Every waking second I either worked or did homework.

Yeah I don't ever want to go back to that. But the past 5 weeks my Google Calendar has been anxiety-provoking-ly EMPTY. I'll have to remember to keep a healthy balance. Being under-involved makes me lonely, being overly-involved makes me crazy. Two jobs, grad school, and a few volunteer hours each week should keep me well balanced, I think.

Going back to the post title: blood, sweat, and tears. I shed so many tears in the past few months. In May it was because of all the difficult goodbyes I had to face, in June it was because I lacked hope and felt in dispair without friends or an income. It's July now and my blood, sweat, and tears have pulled through for me with jobs and new friends. I'm so fortunate and grateful that things are working out. Now if only an employer would see Zach's resume and recognize his genius and glory so we're both employed!

Today I have some appointments on campus and I'm going to take care of some things there. Tomorrow I head over to South Seattle Community College to fill out some hiring paperwork. I start next week at SSCC and my first day at the ISC at SU is August 27! I'm proud of myself.

Very Good Things

I had been talking to my friend Ish over the past week because he told me he sent a package to Seattle and wanted to make sure we got it. Yesterday he texts me saying the package should arrive that day. I checked the mail around noon and nothing was in yet. Later in the afternoon he calls me and says "I just got a call confirming that your package has been delivered!" On my way downstairs, assuming he really wants me to grab the package and call him back to tell him what I think, I notice a group of people standing outside the main entrance. After the realization clicked, I stopped dead in my tracks when I recognized that hair, that voice, that stance: SURPRISE! Ish was on my doorstep! He road tripped out here with two of his friends, all the way from Minnesota. 


As silly as I felt I couldn't help but cry when we greeted. He's the first person who has visited us out here in Seattle, and the first person to remind me that we aren't so alone. It feels so incredibly comforting to have someone from home out here with us because something in this giant, scary city is finally familiar to me.

Ish's surprise wasn't the only great thing that has happened to me lately. I had a phone interview and an in-person interview with one of the centers on campus regarding a graduate assistantship. The phone interview could have gone a lot better, but I believe the in-person interview went very well and I'm really hoping I get this position! It encompasses a lot of my passions for programming and international education. Cross your fingers for me! I have another interview next week for a position in a nearby community college, also.

In other news, I had my last day of summer class today: I'm officially done with my first graduate level course! I cannot wait to dive into my fall classes so I can learn about student development theory and foundations of student affairs. According to my classmates my fall schedule will be quite a full one, but I think I'm prepared for the challenge.

Establishing a new life in Seattle has been much harder for me than I expected. I say I like change, but it has never been an easy thing for me to deal with. Turns out being a shy extrovert in a city with a reputation called The Seattle Freeze puts me at a disadvantage for making friends as well. I know I just have to give it some more time. I know that when school and/or work start up it can only get easier.

Zach and I decided to start volunteering in order to spend our time more meaningfully while we're unemployed. Two weeks from now we're volunteering for a conference about social media and non profit organizations. I'm looking forward to it!

OH AND BEFORE I GO
I have to say how gosh darned happy I am that my friends Lars and Addi are getting married. I have so much respect for that gregarious, unforgettable man and I have no doubt he picked the affable goddess of gorgeousness for a wife. Those two apparently started some wedding planning today because this undeserving-flattered-grateful girl is going to be in Addi Always-Beautiful's wedding party. You two are peanut butter and jelly; everyone who looks at you must know you're perfect for each other. Lars, I'm so glad I met you a few years ago. I'm so happy to be taking part in this part of your life! 

Grad school kickoff!

No, there wasn't a formal event to kick off my first graduate level course. I was fortunate enough to be able to register for a summer class, before my 2 year grad school journey really began.

The course, "Best Practices in Student Affairs" is taught by Dr. Jeremy Stringer, the head of the Student Development Administration department, and founder of the entire program (that began 20 years ago this year!). We meet on a strange schedule in order for the class to take field trips to various universities and colleges to tour and learn about how their student affairs departments are managed. We had class from 9 to 5 last Thursday, with lectures and a presentation from SU's civic engagement department, and Sunday we left for the University of Idaho for 2 nights.

Being able to go to the University of Idaho with my 10 other classmates was an incredible experience. We Stayed in their LLCs (Living and Learning communities) which were only built a few years ago, and incredibly spacious. We arrived Sunday evening and met Denise Carl for dinner, an SU SDA alum  who now works in student engagement at the University of Idaho. Over dinner, we got to know Denise quite a bit and my classmates and I were buzzing with excitement for the next day.

Monday morning we got breakfast at the U of Idaho's student dining hall called Bob's at 7:30am. After breakfast we met up with Melinda Lewis, a graduate student, and she gave us a campus tour and briefed us about the Greek population there.

After that we met with Bruce Pitman, the Vice Provost for Student Affairs and Dean of Students. He taught us a lot about their structure, student learning outcomes, mission, and student body. I was very interested and constantly soaking up every word he said about their institution. I was intrigued to find out that the University of Idaho did a lot of collaborating with Washington State University because it lies just 8 miles away from the U of I on the other side of the state border. They even, without knowing it, chose the same common reading book that year, and have begun collaborating on that project.

I guess they've had a tough year when it comes to student deaths. Usually there is 3-5, but last year they had 14, and one case was a faculty member murdering a student. They've had a tough year, but you can really tell they've worked hard and kept everything in tact and running smoothly. I truly am grateful I got to meet and connect with the student affairs professionals at University of Idaho. They all are exceptional people and I do hope I can meet with them again some day.

the view from the meditation room in the student union. So beautiful

We also met Jeanne Christiansen, the Vice Provost for Academic Affairs. She and Bruce are practically attached at the hip, working in sync for the greater good of the students.

Right before lunch we met another Bruce, Bruce Mann, the Volunteer Center Coordinator. I think he blew us all away with his passion and dedication for his job. Starting out as a marketer and promoter for their campus recreation department, he knew what he always wanted to do, and jumped on the opportunity when he saw the open position in their volunteer center. It was interesting listening to him talk; he repeated a lot of the same values and goals that the Seattle University community engagement department listed. I guess they go on service trips several times a year, and there are at least two abroad trips each year.  My favorite, and maybe a quite obvious, lesson from Bruce was that service learning trips must be mutually beneficial for both the students and the community, otherwise it is not successful. Listening to him speak got me even more interested in working with civic engagement on a campus. I'm considering that area much more strongly now.

After lunch we met Ray Gasser, Director of University Housing, and Matt Kurz, Director of Greek Life. They discussed and shared their successes and challenges in student housing. U of Idaho has a large population of students involved in greek life, and there is apparently a lot of pressure to join fraternities and sororities. Ray was telling us about Res Life's challenge and goal to make achievement possible for everyone. They've developed strategies and systems for identifying students at risk and have successfully used it to help students.

I was glad we got to visit the U of I Women's Center, because I find a lot of merit in the department in general. Heather Gasser, Ray's wife, is the director there and she told us about the incredible upbringing of the Women's Center and the LGBTQA Center. In 2008, U of I did not have an LGBTQA Center. I can't recall what happened when, but eventually they created an LGBTQA Resource Center in an office within the Women's Center, but obviously the need for a more welcoming and larger space brought the center out of there and into the student union. Unfortunately the Women's Center is still located in the basement of a building that mostly houses a gymnasium. Just one of the amazing things their center does is have an Emergency Scholarship Fund, mostly for LGBTQA students. A prime example of when a student would apply for use of this funding is if they came out as lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgender and their parents cut them off completely. The funding is for those students who suddenly find themselves with little to no support and need financial assistance to continue. Heather told us about a particular student who was completely cut off from her parents after coming out and her parents actually reported the car that they had given her as stolen.

they have a library in their women's center!

At the end of the day we met again with Bruce Pitman, Vice Provost for Student Affairs and Dean of Students, as well as with Sharon Fritz, a psychologist in the counseling and testing center, currently interim in the student conduct department. They titled their topic of discussion "Campus Safety and Student Welfare post-Virginia Tech era). With higher expectations and student/family fearing American campuses, the post-Virginia Tech era has brought the need for more intervention and intense preparation/detection of and for student safety. Every week they have campus safety meetings with individuals from all over departments and campus areas to discuss students of concern, etc. With the high number of student deaths this past year, they've had a lot to talk about and a lot of new strategy to implement. A good lesson I took away from this discussion was that as graduate students in the field, we should prepare ourselves for the tough situations that WILL come our way, such as those that these professionals have had to deal with. We know student affairs is an enjoyable and rewarding field, but we have to keep in mind there are things such as conflicts, emergencies, and deaths that we will eventually have to deal with in our future positions.

At the end of the day during a wrap up talk with Bruce, we asked him what his mission and vision was for the University of Idaho. He answered:
1) A comprehensive freshman year experience. As of now, U of I has a 79% freshman to sophomore year retention rate, and Bruce would like to see 85%.
2) More space for services to be more efficient in their duties. This way they can provide all students with high impact engagement services.
3) More comprehensive services for first generation students.

Another good point he had:

• If they admit students with a need (first gen, veteran, etc) they must be able to accomodate for those needs, they must be able to provide the services for them. Washington State Unviersity, just 8 miles from U of I across the Washington-Idaho border, recently lowered their admission requirements. The following year they had an unusually large freshman class, however they didn't hire extra staff in student support. Bruce is interested to see the retention rate between year one and year two after the students realize the lack of support. 

Some of the U of Idaho swag they gave us!

At 6:00pm they served us catered dinner (I had an amazing portobello mushroom cap while everyone else had chicken; guess I was the only vegetarian). We got the opportunity to sit with and talk with many of the professionals that we met that day as well as others we had not yet interacted. 

I sat next to Colleen Quinn, Director of Student Engagement. I learned a lot from her. It was actually her first day on the job, but she seemed to be really enjoying it there, and I was not surprised. As I've mentioned, the staff and faculty there seem to be incredible individuals. 

All in all,

I learned SO MUCH from this experience. I'm so glad that I was able to enroll in this summer class. It was wonderful getting to know my classmates on a deeper level, as well as having the opportunity to speak with Jeremy Stringer, director of the SDA program at SU, one-on-one. Now more than ever I am excited for classes to start up in the fall. Now all I need is a job to keep us afloat and my anxieties will be gone!

Today Zach might have a job opportunity up in Redmond, so I'm going up there with him today and we might explore that area when he is done. Seattle has been good to us so far!

The first 24 hours

We got into our neighborhood just in time to meet our landlord. As usual with apartment leases, we had tons and tons of paperwork to fill out. She is an incredibly nice lady and I'm glad that she and the maintenance worker both live in the building and are easy to contact.
This is what our building looks like:

After about an hour and a half of paperwork and a tour of the building, Zach and I start unloading the car.
Street parking here is $4.00 an hour! Yuck. For lunch we went to this little Polish place across the block from us called George's Sausage & Delicatessen for $5 sandwiches that our landlord recommended to us: yes, they were very good. The place also sold a lot of Polish food that I had never seen before, most of them with labels in Polish. Moving everything in and unpacking what we could took up most of our afternoon and evening. After we exhausted our energy on the studio, we followed through with our plans to go see Prometheus at 9:00pm. We only got a little lost on the way there. After that it was obvious to our bodies that we needed to pass out; so we did. It was a beautiful sunset that night:

Saturday, this morning, we had to move the car before 8am because there was only free parking until then. Unfortunately we had to pay to keep it in a lot all day. We're trying to sell it; not only do we just not want one, but it's also very expensive to have in this city, not to mention useless. Gas here is $4.20 right now. Day and monthly parking are hardly deals; we were looking into renting a storage unit maybe an hour out of town and sticking it there. I think we're ultimately going to decide to sell it ASAP. Traffic is not only sucky, but scary, and even if we kept the car for convenience I wouldn't want to drive it around here.

Our plan for the day was 1) get to a thrift store 2) grocery shop 3) spend time in library, mostly for Internet sake. We found a thrift store not a few blocks from Seattle University called Value Village. They were pricy, but I shouldn't have been surprised since everything is a little more expensive in big cities. We got a decent stool/chair for our breakfast bar (so happy to use that thing) as well as some other necessities for the place (garbage can, plunger, etc). After dropping them off at our studio we took off in the opposite direction to Pike's Place Market to grocery shop. Of course, things seemed a little spendy again, but we were buying fruits and veggies after all. On the way back home we stopped at a convenience store and bought a big bag of rice.

Inside the top floor of the Seattle Public Library where we were sitting

Now, we're in the library working on updating things, browsing Craigslist, and applying for jobs. We won't have Internet in our place until Thursday 14 June (which is also my first day of class!). I have an Interview for a job on Monday and the director of the Student Development Administration program at SU said he'd show me around campus early next week. I have lots to do, including get a student ID card before class starts.

So far I've been using Google Maps a lot to get around the city. I have a good sense of direction, but there's just so much here, it's overwhelming. In fact, I've become overwhelmed and anxious many times since arriving here. The noises, the busy streets, the customs; I just want to understand it all so I can stop worrying about looking stupid or something bad happening. This sheltered, quiet, midwesterner is just going to have to get used to it all. EDIT: I just read this great article called 15 Things You Should Know About Seattle that actually consoled me a bit.

It has been a little over 24 hours that we've been in Seattle, but it's been 9 days since we've really seen anyone from St. Cloud. I really miss you guys. It's so different here and nothing would make me happier than if you all were to come out here and live with us.

Side note:
I've mentally began preparing a funny list of things that I must accomplish in order to call myself a Seattle local, these being:

• Climbing neighborhood hills without panting all the way to the top
• Not being afraid to shove through tourists at Pike's Place Market to grocery shop
• Getting a WA driver's license 
• Knowing how to use ORCA (public transport) without looking stupid
• Become friends or at least be on a first name basis with two or more local shops/eateries
• Having a go-to bar
• Giving directions
• Seeing a big name concert at the Gorge Amphitheater 
• Becoming hipster (just kidding, folks, just kidding)

Our Journey So Far...

Well.
We have a place to live in Seattle now. It's right downtown in an incredibly convenient location. We can take a 15 minute walk to Pike Place Market and I can walk to class in about 15 minutes as well. A lady called Zach back in response to some apartment inquiries and she was very happy to work with us. The stress of finding a place to live is over, but the stress of finding employment is growing.

I have applied to many positions: all positions that I would love to have and commit myself to. I think it is close to 40 or 50 so far (I've lost count of a few). However, it's been difficult without a Seattle address; I think employers just don't bother with our applications sometimes because our location is out of state. We have enough money saved up for several months of rent, so as long as we find a job within those first few months, we should be fine. At this point I'm going to start applying to wave-slave jobs in order for us to keep our head above water. Ugh cover letters are my enemy! Only because I always want them to be perfect and it takes me about 3 to 4 hours just to do one of them.

For the past few nights we had stayed in Moorhead, Minnesota with our great friend Lars and helped him move in while he let us stay with him. Right now we're in Medora, North Dakota visiting and staying with our friends Bretta and Dylan. I got incredibly sunburnt on the very first day, unfortunately, but we have some fun things planned such as hikes and possibly an excursion to Dickenson, ND for tattoos...

From here, we're driving out to Bozeman, Montana early Wednesday morning. It should take us about 8 hours to get there, I think. We'll stay in a hotel there, and hopefully head out early Thursday morning for the nearly 8 hour drive to Spokane, Washington where Zach's dad lives. We have a meeting with our landlord at 1pm in Seattle on Friday so that morning we'll leave Spokane early and get there in time to meet her. After 8 days of homelessness, we'll finally be in our new Seattle studio!

The pets have behaved surprisingly well on this long trip. There were a few times that Odin was spooked and/or meowed nonstop for a long time, but for the most part Feared Kraken (our bearded dragon) will bask in the sun on our dashboard and Odin will sleep on the armrest between the driver and the passenger seat. Here he is snoozing amongst some of the crap we have stuffed in the backseat:

Our new studio is kind of small, but Zach and I have never needed all that much space. I'm a little heartbroken we couldn't find a place with a patio or at least huge windows, but this was still an incredible gem to find, especially with it's incredible location and unbelievable price. I hope Odin likes it! Here's the floor plan:

It's June 4th today, meaning my summer class starts in exactly 10 days. I still have to finish reading the textbook due, but it shouldn't be a problem. I'm so nervous about this class! This course is available to both first years and second years, so there will be people A LOT more experienced than me in the class. How nerve-wracking! I have to get my act together as soon as I get there. Ah! I don't know how graduate students are supposed to be, I've never been one before!

To be honest, the night before we moved out I had a little break down at the horrifying thought of moving across the country to a huge city where nothing and nobody is familiar to us; plus we had no jobs and not all that much money. I just lost all hope and faith in our ability to make it. I'm ashamed of it now, because I'm incredibly confident in Zach and I as a team, but I do still think about it and wonder if it was warranted. I try to be so carefree, but something always stops me. I suppose that's the healthiest way to be: a bit cautious, a bit carefree. Oh how I over-analyze everything that doesn't need to be.


This is it, I've come to realize. This whole cross-country move. This is what I've been dreaming of for years and years: getting rid of almost everything I own, jumping on a freeway and driving for hours on end, to end up in a coastal city of opportunity, where I can start a whole new chapter of my life. My SCSU chapter has really been- erm, was, I guess- amazing. Absolutely amazing. I may have complained a lot during my 4 year stay, but I learned more than I ever thought possible. And the people I met? The people I met will stay with me for the rest of my life, whether we stay in touch or not. St. Cloud was where I found myself. Seattle will be where I build myself up from there.
And who knows what the rest of my life will bring?
All I know is I'm not going to tie myself down anywhere. The world is far to large to stay in one place and study one thing. I want to know it all, I want to bring my kids everywhere and teach them everything. I want to experience multiple cultures, I want to befriend people I never thought I'd get along with. I'm so damn young, which makes this whole thing so damn exciting! As I've said to Zach and would now like to remind myself: WE ARE MADE OF STARS. ★★★

In other news, I woke up yesterday with my next tattoo design all figured out in my head. If I find time today, I think I shall try and sketch it.

And with that, I'll end this post.
Here is some love: take it with you and spread it around today :)

Post-graduation weekend

I can't believe it's all over.
I have been waiting for this weekend for four years. I remember when 2012 seemed so far into the future, and sometimes I'm still in shock that it's already 2012.

Friday night we hung out at our apartment with a lot of friends, some in town only for the weekend, others that we were graduating with. It was wonderful socializing at our place over drinks and games. I had to force myself not to think about leaving everyone in less than a month, or else I would have become incredibly emotional.

Saturday I slept in late because I was in the afternoon commencement ceremony. I met briefly with my family, who arrived in town late Friday, and before I knew it I had to start getting dressed and putting on my cap and gown. Running late as we normally do, Zach, Tara and I got there just in time to get to the end of the School of Liberal Arts line to start filing in to Halenbeck gym, where everything was taking place. We sat in the very last row of the sea of graduates, shaking and chatting the whole time. The ceremony itself wasn't very memorable to me, but seeing myself and my friends in that cap and gown was definitely a memory I'll never forget. The symbolism of it will be with me forever. Because of our position in the gym, I was very close to my family; looking back at them every once and a while, and catching them smiling and looking at me, made me feel so fortunate, loved, and proud of my accomplishments. I truly was holding back a waterfall of emotions in those moments.

Walking up to the stage was nerve-wracking. I couldn't stop thinking about how to walk in heels because I didn't want to be the one to trip across the stage. Commencement coordinators rushed us along, as to not stall the already outrageously long ceremony. I remember stopping at the bottom of the stairs, and looking up at the bright lights shining on Zach, President Potter, the provost, and others whom we shook hands with. They ushered me up the stairs and I couldn't even hear my name; I was concentrating so hard on smiling, not tripping, and grabbing the diploma in the right hand! Just before I headed down the stairs and off the stage, one of my favorite professors, head of the Faculty Association, got out of his seat on stage to come shake my hand. Dr. Mark Jaede was one of the first professors I had at SCSU; he taught LAST 250, Introduction to Latin American Studies my first semester. He was someone who reassured me I wanted to continue with Spanish and learn about Latin America. The fact that he was there in the beginning, as well as there in the end of my college career, was so meaningful to me.

At the bottom of the stairs my friend Victor, a university ambassador, was helping usher graduates to the photo backdrop. I hugged him and scooted along; paused for my picture; and went back to our seats.

And it was over. So suddenly.
One moment I was on stage, my heart beating so hard and fast, the next second I was back in my seat, glancing at Zach and Tara with teary eyes.

We hung out in the gym and took some pictures with friends and family. Everything was overwhelming, of course. Pictures with the family, the roommates, the inlaws; all of us were pulled in all directions, smiling like fools!

Soon after we took off to get to Fuji Japanese Steakhouse for dinner. Zach's family and my family went together and we got hibachi (YUM!). It was hard for all of us to talk because the place was PACKED; probably with families of graduates. I think it went well, though. I just wish our families could have socialized more.

After everyone parted ways, I made plans to have breakfast/lunch with my family the next day and Zach and I headed home to get ready for a party at a house we used to live in. It was an amazing time being back there, reliving some of the memories made and spending time with dear friends (who I'm going to miss like hell). 

The next day Zach and I met my family at IHOP and we got to catch up a little bit (over delicious pancakes). They had to leave right after, and it was hard for all of us. Before this weekend, I hadn't seen them for a whole year, and we haven't been good at communicating since. The goodbye, at least for me, was very emotional. This might be the last time I see them for the next 2 years minimum, unless they come out to Seattle and visit or I manage to make enough money to head back to the midwest.

And that was that. It's all over. Felt like it lasted all of 2 minutes. 

So now our lives move on to other things, I suppose.

Recording the events of this weekend has been hard to do, mentally, because of the emotions involved. It's starting to hit me now, that my undergraduate experience is over. I don't know any other me besides the me that is in class at SCSU and heavily involved. What will I do now? I'm quite terrified of having to get to know a whole new campus, and whole new city. 

Moving to Seattle is still coming together. We have lots of apartments we're interested in, and of course we're still sending out lots of job applications. I just signed up for a summer course in my program, and I'm excited to meet people and knock down a few credits before fall. 

Oh, it's my birthday, today. I'm 22 now. Do I feel 22? No. When people ask me how old I am, I almost have to count it out in order to avoid saying 19 or 20. Has that much time really passed since high school? Since Chile? I guess so. Time has flown, and just like everyone says, it's moving exponentially faster as I get older. Today I went to the Mall of America with my friends Bretta, Di, and Tara and I'm stoked about the two dresses I bought. Going to go put one on for dinner tonight.

Until the next chapter...

(I hope my next blog post is about me or Zach getting a job or apartment)

Spring Break

YEAH PARTIES ON THE BEACH, WOOO!!!
...
NOT.

Zach worked overnights the first weekend and I didn't do much. I had started polishing my cover letters and resumes to send them out to places in Seattle. Sunday I think I sent out my first 10 or 11 and throughout the week I only added a few more making the grand total of applications I sent out 14.

Erica, my friend from my hometown, drove up to Minnesota from Wisconsin to hang out with people she'd met here and visit with me. We met up in the cities at Chino Latino for my roommate's birthday and from there we went to Gay 90s night club and had a fantastic night there.

Erica and I didn't do much together, but we both needed the break. I showed her around St. Cloud a bit, we hit up the mall and got some amazing deals (for instance, I got 2 bras for $2!). After she left Wednesday I had a 3 to 10:30 shift at the gas station.

Thursday I think I snuggled up with Zach a bit, spent some time with him and sent out a few more job applications, looked at hundreds more. Friday I worked from 1pm to 11pm at Cenex and Saturday took on a 8am to 3pm shift. Went for a run afterwards and while Zach was at work I met up with some people and we hung out at the pubs for a bit. Zach joined us after work and it was fun.

And, suddenly it's Sunday. I've been recovering from last night (and my run yesterday) and playing a bit of video games all day. I watched an australian movie called Mary and Max; it was incredibly sad but a really good story that apparently was based on true events.

It's almost 9pm and soon I'll have to crack open my Personality Psych book and catch up on some readings; but it's okay because I LOVE reading for personality psych. I can't help but want to share/discuss everything I learn.

I do NOT want to go back to the grind tomorrow! I knew spring break would be the biggest tease for my stress. The crazy starts all over: Monday 9am to 11am FORL office, 11:15 to 4:30 Internship at Element, and then from 5 to 10:30 I have a shift at the gas station. If it sounds awful that's because it IS awful. From there the week only gets more full and stressful.

Enough complaining.
I have good news/updates

I spoke with the department chair of the Student Development Administration program at Seattle University because I had some questions regarding my status on the waiting list, what to do about graduate assistantships, and whether I should fill out FAFSA. He instructed me to be "cautiously optimistic" that I will move up the waiting list and be admitted into the program. He also said the search committee loved my application and were sad they couldn't invite all qualified candidates to the program (there are only 25 seats, I believe!) Apparently there have been several candidates who denied their accpetance and he thinks there will "undoubtedly be more."

I started FAFSA yesterday :D
Also, I'm fairly confident in my job search. I am applying to jobs that I feel qualified for and with all of my resume and cover letter practice, they're only getting better and better and I have faith I'll find a job out there. I just gotta keep sending out those apps. I can't get a job if I don't try!

The Next Step

My husband Zach and I had a discussion yesterday about what we're doing after we graduate in May 2012.   I've been considering graduate school for a while now, knowing for sure that I wanted to further my education, but not exactly sure in which field. Until recently, when I decided I want to work on a college campus, I figured out that I was particularly interested in college student life and development.

It makes sense- I'm incredibly involved on campus: active in several student organizations and receiving payroll from 4 different departments.  I'm passionate about organizations benefiting students as they should and I also go out of my way to encourage and help my fellow peers the best that I can. I thought about it for a long time before I realized any department in student affairs would be interesting to me: career services, education abroad, student activities, advising, et cetera.

After a lot of research into dozens of universities across the country, I decided that Seattle University has just the program I want. It's part College Counseling and Student Development, and part Higher Education Administration (two degrees offered by St. Cloud State.)  They offer Master of Arts in Student Development Administration, and the course load looks incredible: social justice, leadership, multicultural perspective, adults in education.

As soon as I get back from a mini road trip at the end of the semester, I'm going to start filling out my application for Seattle U as well as some for several graduate assistantships on the campus.  With my involvement and good academic standing, I'm not incredibly worried about being denied entrance into the program. That doesn't mean I'm going to slack at all on the application, though!

I'm excited! I really feel good about this, and I think its really going to give me an advantage to graduate with my masters degree so young. It'll make me marketable when I start applying for jobs because I'll be relatively young and fresh :)

As for Zach, he is going to find work in the city somewhere while I'm in school. I know that Microsoft, Google, and Nintendo have headquarters out there, so I'm sure he is looking for positions in those companies. He is very intelligent and versatile, so I'm not too worried about him finding employment. I am a little worried about getting burnt out, but summer is usually a sufficient break for me, and I know that come August, I'll be itching to be in a classroom again.

What will I ever do when I am "done" going back to school in the fall?
Maybe I won't. At least the field I'm going into will keep me on campuses.
I certainly love learning.

You can teach a student a lesson for a day; but if you can teach him to learn by creating curiosity, he will continue the learning process as long as he lives. 

~Clay P. Bedford

Less than 6 months from now, our lease will be up, and we will be preparing to leave St. Cloud. 


Now its time to focus on the present. I have about 50 pages of papers to write in the next two weeks, and they aren't going to write themselves. Tonight, I'm tackling my group therapy implementation methods to prepare for implementing it on Tuesday, as well as some research (en español!) into how Don Quijote de la Mancha still has significant effect on modern art and is present in modern art culture. Maybe after homework I'll touch up my hair to make it look closer to THIS again: