Where I'm at now

There are just 2 weeks left of Winter Quarter. Lucky for me, I finished up one of my classes in January (horay for weekend classes!) so for the past few weeks I've been able to focus on the other two classes I'm taking: Higher Education Law and The American Community College.

This quarter has been a roller coaster ride, to say the least. January was absolutely insane with how much I had on my plate, and how much I filled up all of my work and personal calendars. There was International week at SU, events at SSCC, major projects already due, and then I had weekend class to juggle. I don't think hubby or cat saw me much at all in January. But I'm so glad that's over! I have been able to balance everything much better with just two classes, something I plan to continue practicing so long as I'm working full time. Next quarter, I'm only signed up for two, and they are Leadership in Education 1 and Leadership and Governance of Post-Secondary Education.

I just finished up making major progress on a paper (I know I know, it's Saturday night and I'm working on homework, this is my life now) and I'm hoping to accomplish a little bit more before bed. I can't wait to have free time again. As great as this program is, and as much as I'm learning, I need a little bit more freedom and flexibility in my life!

On top of assignments, I'm also anxiously working on securing an internship for the summer. I have a few promising leads, but I'm still waiting on a few responses from a couple institutions. Cross your fingers for me! There's one I'm really hoping to get in LA for 10 weeks in the summertime :)

Aside from grad school, I have been working on my own happiness and personal growth. I've learned a lot about myself from this grad school experience, and it has made me incredibly reflective. I started reading a book called Anger by Thich Nhat Hanh that has been very eye opening to the way I comprehend and express my emotions. Of course, school readings always come first, so it's taking me a long time to finish, but I already know that I'm going to read more of his work. If anyone has recommendations for me about other reads that are similar, I welcome them with open arms!

Zach found it at a used book store for me :)

In other news, I am looking forward to visiting Milwaukee for the first time since December of 2011, and the first time I'll be in one of the houses I grew up in since May 2011! My flight leaves Seattle on March 27th and I don't come back until April 2nd. I just know that no matter how it goes, this trip home will be a grounding experience. Spending time with my roots, re-defining myself, realizing who I am now and remembering who I was then. I especially cannot wait to spend time with my family and get to know them once again. My brothers have changed so much in the past few years... makes me feel quite old and emotional, to be honest.

For my weekend class this quarter, one of our assignments was to bring an artifact that represents our culture. I brought in a quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson:

“Make your own Bible. Select and collect all the words and sentences that in all your readings have been to you like the blast of a trumpet.”

Since that assignment, I have been true to my artifact and have been selecting and collecting the words and sentences that in all my readings have been to me like the blast of a trumpet. I started compiling them on a Tumblog called Quotes Etc. I like that I have a place to compile those quotes, phrases, and lyrics that help me better understand and be comfortable with existence.

Right now, I am thankful we have 2 whole days of weekend. Tomorrow is Sunday and that means pancakes and cartoons with my honey!

Our friend Amoolya from college was in Leavenworth  WA to visit some friends for a few days, and we were so excited she had a whole afternoon of free time to visit with us! We took her all over downtown, Pioneer Square, the Waterfront, and the International District. 

Here's what I'm going to do

I'm going to make it through this week,
no event, person, mishap, or lack of sleep will get me down.
I'm going to make it through this quarter,
regardless of the mountain of work ahead of me.
I'm going to put it all into perspective, do what I have to do
to Keep Moving Forward.

Before I know it, I'm going to be walking across that stage, robes and hood, getting my master's degree.

after that,
the possibilities are endless.

Zach and I have talked about applying for the Peace Corps after I graduate, and the idea looks better and better every day. If we decide to go through with it, we'll have to start our application as early as this summer. With my Spanish language background, I have a good feeling they might want to place us in Latin America, if we're accepted. But who knows? Maybe at the end of 2014 Zach and I will be settling in somewhere in Africa, somewhere in Asia, or Eastern Europe. I don't even care where we go: I just want the opportunity to serve, the opportunity to travel, the opportunity to learn, and the opportunity to explore.

Our friends Bretta and Dylan just got back from a trip to India and Nepal. I never knew how badly I wanted to go to Nepal until I saw her photos. What an unbelievable trip they must have had; the photos she took were so beautiful and truly captured what life must be like there. Looking at them made me think about how much I hate to sit idly by, in one country, during the duration of my short life, for there is so much world to explore!

Oh how I'd love to pack a bag, and call it my "home."
To travel with only what can fit on my back and on my body, and experience people, culture, religion, and climate first hand, with my own eyes, ears, nose, and feet.
Lucky for me, I have a husband who would be willing to do all this at my side.

Someday, I'll have some more of my life figured out (though, they say that never really happens).
Someday, we'll manage our funds so that we can continue following our hearts by experiencing the world.
Someday, I won't even remember how many nights I cried just trying my best to complete all my papers and projects for grad school.
Someday, I won't even remember what chronic depression feels like.

I often feel "stuck," but I have to remember how far I've come already

• I travelled with my high school orchestra to England and Ireland
• moved 450 miles from home for college
• Studied abroad in Chile for 4 months
• Moved 1,600 miles from MN to WA for grad school
• Attended professional conference in Hawaii

I must remember that all of these are accomplishments that I should be proud of. No matter what the outcome of all of them were or are. I'm blinded right now, from the stress and hardship of 2 jobs and graduate study, but every once and a while I can see clearly. Every once and a while I can see my purpose and my bright future. 

Someday, Zach and I are going to look back on our lives and say
"Wow. Look what we've accomplished. Look what we've seen. Look at what we've learned.
I'd never want it any other way."

Winter Break Ramble

It's been a week and a half since I've been off my regular class schedule. Yes, it has been an amazing relief! As I've said in this blog time and time again, the work, thought, and concentration that I've put into my studies here so far have been more challenging than anything else I've ever experienced. But I'm proud of what I've accomplished so far, and I know that in the end, every late night and lesson learned will be fully worth it. So far, it has been: my grades for my first full quarter of grad school are A-, A, A.

Next quarter, I'm signed up for 3 classes: Higher Education Law, The American Community College, and Leadership in a Pluralistic Society. The last class is in the school of Theology and Ministry: never in my life did I imagine taking a course in such a school at a private university! My honest perspective, though, is that I'm truly looking forward to the experience. I might not enjoy religion personally, but I value what we can learn from it.

I'm currently struggling with what to write for the rest of this blog post. All this extra time I have since I don't have homework anymore, has left me alone in my head all too often. I find myself analyzing my life, where it's been and where it's going. Sometimes I spend too much time thinking about the past, looking at old photos, or reading old notes. I hope that by the end of winter break, I'll have some of these thoughts straightened out so I can more smoothly move forward with my academics and new life in Seattle.

Oh Seattle.
It's been just over 6 months now- half a year. Does it feel longer? Does it feel shorter? I can't really say. I'm just really proud of Zach and I for making it. And I have to say thank you to everyone who has supported us along the way that helped make it possible. I certainly could not have done this alone, as I've said time and time again...

Alas, I shall write more when I'm in a better mood. Tonight I'm too nostalgic and can't concentrate well enough to finish this.

Here's a pic of Zach and I at the SUSDA holiday party. We look good :)

Taking a step back from life

I need to do some serious soul searching, once again. I find myself, every so often, doubting my future in this field. It's not that I don't really enjoy it, in fact I am completely fascinated by student affairs, but the problem is that I worry it will not be fulfilling or purposeful enough for my personal goals and desires. I question why I didn't consider Non-Profit Leadership graduate programs so that Zach and I could sooner begin to create the non-profit idea we've been working on. Or why Zach and I didn't just apply to the Peace Corps after undergrad. These doubts leak into my brain when I'm supposed to be working toward my degree and I find myself getting frustratingly further and further behind.

Of course, there are certain days when the complete opposite is true. When I find myself recognizing phases and areas of development in the students I work with I become energized and eager to continue developing my student affairs professional persona. As I've mentioned, theory is my favorite class; any time I can use that knowledge or "apply theory to practice" as we love to say in class, I feel right and excited to be in this field. I also adore the memories made in my years of experience in college and working in student activities, and those that I'm beginning to make here at my graduate assistantship and classes.

This teeter-totter of feelings about my current stage in life often leaves my brain exhausted from trying to sort it all out. I just don't understand what obstacle I need to overcome to really understand myself, what I want for my future, and what type of impact I'm going to make on the world. I realize now that graduate school really isn't the place to do that, but at the same time, I've already embarked on this journey and I don't want to jump off the train now and lose momentum when I could potentially chose this as my future after all.

Besides this existential crisis, I've been relatively well. The more time we spend in Seattle, the more it feels like home and familiarity. I can tell I'm doing just a teensy more reaching out than when we first got here, which I consider progress. Every day we get closer and closer to a visit from our good friends Salem, Zach, Christina, and Justin which I'm incredibly excited for. I love having something so good to look forward to! Maybe that will get me through this endless rain. The rumors are true: Seattle is rainy as hell. I wish I wasn't sick of it already, because I hear we have about 5 or 6 more months of it. I've been taking vitamins and using a happy lamp, but will that suffice? We will see at the end of the season.

Recently I started compiling information into a spreadsheet containing contacts and information about international universities I want to ask about internship opportunities. (For my program I have to do 3 internships). I'm quite nervous to start this process and I'm thinking I'll need to seek out some faculty guidance on it. In other news I leave for Hawaii on Tuesday morning! I can't believe the time for NASPA has come already. After a group meeting, homework, and an event tomorrow, I'll have to plan out my conference schedule and start packing. I'm not quite sure what lies ahead of me, but from advice and encouragement I trust it will be something valuable.

Lastly, WHY isn't the work week 4 days so we can always have 3 day weekends? This girl would appreciate the extra time for some quality self-care.

Grad school kickoff!

No, there wasn't a formal event to kick off my first graduate level course. I was fortunate enough to be able to register for a summer class, before my 2 year grad school journey really began.

The course, "Best Practices in Student Affairs" is taught by Dr. Jeremy Stringer, the head of the Student Development Administration department, and founder of the entire program (that began 20 years ago this year!). We meet on a strange schedule in order for the class to take field trips to various universities and colleges to tour and learn about how their student affairs departments are managed. We had class from 9 to 5 last Thursday, with lectures and a presentation from SU's civic engagement department, and Sunday we left for the University of Idaho for 2 nights.

Being able to go to the University of Idaho with my 10 other classmates was an incredible experience. We Stayed in their LLCs (Living and Learning communities) which were only built a few years ago, and incredibly spacious. We arrived Sunday evening and met Denise Carl for dinner, an SU SDA alum  who now works in student engagement at the University of Idaho. Over dinner, we got to know Denise quite a bit and my classmates and I were buzzing with excitement for the next day.

Monday morning we got breakfast at the U of Idaho's student dining hall called Bob's at 7:30am. After breakfast we met up with Melinda Lewis, a graduate student, and she gave us a campus tour and briefed us about the Greek population there.

After that we met with Bruce Pitman, the Vice Provost for Student Affairs and Dean of Students. He taught us a lot about their structure, student learning outcomes, mission, and student body. I was very interested and constantly soaking up every word he said about their institution. I was intrigued to find out that the University of Idaho did a lot of collaborating with Washington State University because it lies just 8 miles away from the U of I on the other side of the state border. They even, without knowing it, chose the same common reading book that year, and have begun collaborating on that project.

I guess they've had a tough year when it comes to student deaths. Usually there is 3-5, but last year they had 14, and one case was a faculty member murdering a student. They've had a tough year, but you can really tell they've worked hard and kept everything in tact and running smoothly. I truly am grateful I got to meet and connect with the student affairs professionals at University of Idaho. They all are exceptional people and I do hope I can meet with them again some day.

the view from the meditation room in the student union. So beautiful

We also met Jeanne Christiansen, the Vice Provost for Academic Affairs. She and Bruce are practically attached at the hip, working in sync for the greater good of the students.

Right before lunch we met another Bruce, Bruce Mann, the Volunteer Center Coordinator. I think he blew us all away with his passion and dedication for his job. Starting out as a marketer and promoter for their campus recreation department, he knew what he always wanted to do, and jumped on the opportunity when he saw the open position in their volunteer center. It was interesting listening to him talk; he repeated a lot of the same values and goals that the Seattle University community engagement department listed. I guess they go on service trips several times a year, and there are at least two abroad trips each year.  My favorite, and maybe a quite obvious, lesson from Bruce was that service learning trips must be mutually beneficial for both the students and the community, otherwise it is not successful. Listening to him speak got me even more interested in working with civic engagement on a campus. I'm considering that area much more strongly now.

After lunch we met Ray Gasser, Director of University Housing, and Matt Kurz, Director of Greek Life. They discussed and shared their successes and challenges in student housing. U of Idaho has a large population of students involved in greek life, and there is apparently a lot of pressure to join fraternities and sororities. Ray was telling us about Res Life's challenge and goal to make achievement possible for everyone. They've developed strategies and systems for identifying students at risk and have successfully used it to help students.

I was glad we got to visit the U of I Women's Center, because I find a lot of merit in the department in general. Heather Gasser, Ray's wife, is the director there and she told us about the incredible upbringing of the Women's Center and the LGBTQA Center. In 2008, U of I did not have an LGBTQA Center. I can't recall what happened when, but eventually they created an LGBTQA Resource Center in an office within the Women's Center, but obviously the need for a more welcoming and larger space brought the center out of there and into the student union. Unfortunately the Women's Center is still located in the basement of a building that mostly houses a gymnasium. Just one of the amazing things their center does is have an Emergency Scholarship Fund, mostly for LGBTQA students. A prime example of when a student would apply for use of this funding is if they came out as lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgender and their parents cut them off completely. The funding is for those students who suddenly find themselves with little to no support and need financial assistance to continue. Heather told us about a particular student who was completely cut off from her parents after coming out and her parents actually reported the car that they had given her as stolen.

they have a library in their women's center!

At the end of the day we met again with Bruce Pitman, Vice Provost for Student Affairs and Dean of Students, as well as with Sharon Fritz, a psychologist in the counseling and testing center, currently interim in the student conduct department. They titled their topic of discussion "Campus Safety and Student Welfare post-Virginia Tech era). With higher expectations and student/family fearing American campuses, the post-Virginia Tech era has brought the need for more intervention and intense preparation/detection of and for student safety. Every week they have campus safety meetings with individuals from all over departments and campus areas to discuss students of concern, etc. With the high number of student deaths this past year, they've had a lot to talk about and a lot of new strategy to implement. A good lesson I took away from this discussion was that as graduate students in the field, we should prepare ourselves for the tough situations that WILL come our way, such as those that these professionals have had to deal with. We know student affairs is an enjoyable and rewarding field, but we have to keep in mind there are things such as conflicts, emergencies, and deaths that we will eventually have to deal with in our future positions.

At the end of the day during a wrap up talk with Bruce, we asked him what his mission and vision was for the University of Idaho. He answered:
1) A comprehensive freshman year experience. As of now, U of I has a 79% freshman to sophomore year retention rate, and Bruce would like to see 85%.
2) More space for services to be more efficient in their duties. This way they can provide all students with high impact engagement services.
3) More comprehensive services for first generation students.

Another good point he had:

• If they admit students with a need (first gen, veteran, etc) they must be able to accomodate for those needs, they must be able to provide the services for them. Washington State Unviersity, just 8 miles from U of I across the Washington-Idaho border, recently lowered their admission requirements. The following year they had an unusually large freshman class, however they didn't hire extra staff in student support. Bruce is interested to see the retention rate between year one and year two after the students realize the lack of support. 

Some of the U of Idaho swag they gave us!

At 6:00pm they served us catered dinner (I had an amazing portobello mushroom cap while everyone else had chicken; guess I was the only vegetarian). We got the opportunity to sit with and talk with many of the professionals that we met that day as well as others we had not yet interacted. 

I sat next to Colleen Quinn, Director of Student Engagement. I learned a lot from her. It was actually her first day on the job, but she seemed to be really enjoying it there, and I was not surprised. As I've mentioned, the staff and faculty there seem to be incredible individuals. 

All in all,

I learned SO MUCH from this experience. I'm so glad that I was able to enroll in this summer class. It was wonderful getting to know my classmates on a deeper level, as well as having the opportunity to speak with Jeremy Stringer, director of the SDA program at SU, one-on-one. Now more than ever I am excited for classes to start up in the fall. Now all I need is a job to keep us afloat and my anxieties will be gone!

Today Zach might have a job opportunity up in Redmond, so I'm going up there with him today and we might explore that area when he is done. Seattle has been good to us so far!