Be who you want to be.

but how?

Some people are extroverted. Some people are introverted. Some people drink a lot. Some people smoke a lot. Some people get highly involved in whatever they're doing. Some people keep to themselves and soul search.

I feel like life is like finding the right recipe of actions, substances, and relationships and implementing them all properly enough and in the right order to eventually, without even trying, create the person you want to be. It's a recipe you don't know, and you have to test the recipe using various ingredients, so you end up trying over and over and over.

Ugh, this epiphany sounded so much more eloquent in my head.


Honestly, it's the "outgoing personality" that baffles me.
Whenever I hang out with someone dashingly outgoing, regal, and clever, I just wonder, HOW DO YOU DO IT?!

I'm not talking about the ordinary "outgoing" I'm talking about the "outgoing" that makes it obvious that everyone in the room likes this outgoing person. Everyone wants to talk to him/her, everyone likes what he/she has to say, he/she feels comfortable around the majority of people, et cetera.

One reason I got into psychology is because my entire life I've always been interested in HOW people become just WHO THEY ARE. In counseling classes it was amazing learning about how influential life experiences and growing up are on the adult's personality/psychology.

I feel too young and naïve to really understand this concept; even if the answer sat itself in my lap... But I want to, so badly.

3:24am 24 December 2011

ADD.
Whether I have it or not, I sure as heck know that I suffer from attention problems.
I just want to sit here and write a quality blog post.
I just want to sit here and let it all out.
Let it all out and organize itself.
But I can't.
My brain is everywhere all at one time.
It's hard enough to form these sentences.
Maybe it's the time of night.
Maybe it's the naïvety of my age.
But I can't seem to make this ink stay.

Handling relationships

One of the hardest things about relationships, is that we all have our own opinions. Sometimes, we have our own opinions about how relationships are supposed to be handled.

A handful of situations in my life have caused me to build up an unbreakable wall. My most personal/secret information is not allowed out.

Of course, I shoot my mouth off about unimportant things, surface level things. But other things, certain things, I will never reveal again, thanks to a difference in relationship handling opinions.

That said, I don't have much time to make a long post about it, so check back, and hopefully I'll have gone more in depth about it.

The Story of Stuff

Pride is not a feeling I feel very often, but last night, when my (University Program Board National Events) committee and I implemented an incredible, intellectual event we've been planning for months, I couldn't help but show my pride in the biggest grin stretched across my face.

Before you continue reading this post, please take 20 minutes of your time and go to www.storyofstuff.org and watch, at least, The Story of Stuff.  Annie Leonard is the director of the Story of Stuff project, and the featured speaker for the documentary you just watched. As you can read on the website, she traveled the world for 20 years researching STUFF: where it comes from, how its made, how we use it, and finally, where it goes when we dispose of it.

Before I saw this documentary, I had my eyes were opened wide when I was living in Chile and I realized how less wasteful Chileans were in comparison to United Statesians.  In common chilean homes, their garbage containers weren't as big as ours, and there weren't as many. My host mom would take her re-usable bags and cart down to the market to buy fresh fruit a couple of times a week. They never bought anything unless they NEEDED it. My host mom made a lot of clothes and crafts. It sure was a different world there...

Anyway, I had to watch the Story of Stuff documentary in my Human Relations 102 course in 2010.  Ever since then, I've more often considered the "reduce, reuse, recycle" methodology. First, see if it can be reduced. Do you really need it? Don't buy it. Do you really need 3 servings of this food? Save it for someone who actually needs it. Second, reuse everything that you can. And this means avoiding disposable items. Its hard though, when industries purposefully TRY to make things disposable, especially so that you buy a new one or latest model every few months. Finally, recycle. When you've used something to its last thread of life, search for a way to recycle it before throwing it in the trash, where it will end up in a landfill.

The National Events committee that I facilitate invited Annie Leonard to SCSU to screen her documentary and speak about her travels and knowledge on sustainability and being environmentally conscious. I wish I could have somehow recorded the entire event, because I wish I could somehow share it with all of you. Annie is an incredible and skilled speaker and it was such a high honor to have her on our campus. Over 350 students came to this event, and my committee and I couldn't have been happier with how smoothly it went.  Several students and faculty stayed when she was done, even after the Q&A, in order to speak with her.

Possibly the most incredible part of her speech was that through her messages about the world going to shit, people needing to be more active in sustainability, and how bad things are looking for the near future, she remained and continues to remain so entirely HOPEFULL.  Her smile and excitement never faltered, on and off stage. She is truly someone I look up to and will never forget. Its hard to believe I got to meet her and spend alone time with her, discussing college, students, and green initiatives.

Interesting fact...
About 3 minutes into the event, so 3 minutes in to the documentary, a woman stormed out of the auditorium. WHen I asked her what was wrong, she muttered between clenched teeth somethign along the lines of "This is why there is so much hate.... *grumble grumble* ... and *** occupy wall street *grumble grumble." I think the part she walked out on was probably where the documentary talks about the wasted money poured into the US military... I'm not really sure what her problem was... but it excited me that I helped facilitate an event on campus that sparked controversy.

I wish I was more eloquent with my words; though, no matter how I post about the event, I'll never feel like it will sufficiently represent how life-changing and amazing this event/speaker was for me.

In all,
I found a reason to take pride in my position with UPB and future aspirations. I got the chance to meet someone I look up to, aspire to be, and respect. I successfully implemented an event that I'm going to be proud of for the rest of my life.

A few committee members, my adviser, Zach, and Annie Leonard, after the event. She is the biggest sweetheart!

The Next Step

My husband Zach and I had a discussion yesterday about what we're doing after we graduate in May 2012.   I've been considering graduate school for a while now, knowing for sure that I wanted to further my education, but not exactly sure in which field. Until recently, when I decided I want to work on a college campus, I figured out that I was particularly interested in college student life and development.

It makes sense- I'm incredibly involved on campus: active in several student organizations and receiving payroll from 4 different departments.  I'm passionate about organizations benefiting students as they should and I also go out of my way to encourage and help my fellow peers the best that I can. I thought about it for a long time before I realized any department in student affairs would be interesting to me: career services, education abroad, student activities, advising, et cetera.

After a lot of research into dozens of universities across the country, I decided that Seattle University has just the program I want. It's part College Counseling and Student Development, and part Higher Education Administration (two degrees offered by St. Cloud State.)  They offer Master of Arts in Student Development Administration, and the course load looks incredible: social justice, leadership, multicultural perspective, adults in education.

As soon as I get back from a mini road trip at the end of the semester, I'm going to start filling out my application for Seattle U as well as some for several graduate assistantships on the campus.  With my involvement and good academic standing, I'm not incredibly worried about being denied entrance into the program. That doesn't mean I'm going to slack at all on the application, though!

I'm excited! I really feel good about this, and I think its really going to give me an advantage to graduate with my masters degree so young. It'll make me marketable when I start applying for jobs because I'll be relatively young and fresh :)

As for Zach, he is going to find work in the city somewhere while I'm in school. I know that Microsoft, Google, and Nintendo have headquarters out there, so I'm sure he is looking for positions in those companies. He is very intelligent and versatile, so I'm not too worried about him finding employment. I am a little worried about getting burnt out, but summer is usually a sufficient break for me, and I know that come August, I'll be itching to be in a classroom again.

What will I ever do when I am "done" going back to school in the fall?
Maybe I won't. At least the field I'm going into will keep me on campuses.
I certainly love learning.

You can teach a student a lesson for a day; but if you can teach him to learn by creating curiosity, he will continue the learning process as long as he lives. 

~Clay P. Bedford

Less than 6 months from now, our lease will be up, and we will be preparing to leave St. Cloud. 


Now its time to focus on the present. I have about 50 pages of papers to write in the next two weeks, and they aren't going to write themselves. Tonight, I'm tackling my group therapy implementation methods to prepare for implementing it on Tuesday, as well as some research (en español!) into how Don Quijote de la Mancha still has significant effect on modern art and is present in modern art culture. Maybe after homework I'll touch up my hair to make it look closer to THIS again:

Nostalgia. Always nostalgia.

Reading up on my friend's travel blog (http://amylaraeinbulgaria.wordpress.com) while she's in Bulgaria on a Fulbright Scholarship makes me incredibly nostalgic/jealous/sad/furious all at once.

I miss writing in my travel blog (http://chileanadventures2009.blogspot.com/) when I was living in Chile. Every day was exciting, every day showed me something new. I felt like I had a lot to say and they were all worth writing down. I miss seeing the ocean on a weekly basis. How did I expect to leave the ocean, dump myself back in the Midwest, and expect to be happy? The Midwest United States is NOT the place for a girl like me and it never will be. Thank goodness I'm married to a man with a similar travel/adventure bug. I miss learning a new culture, especially one so different from your own. You learn so much more about your own culture and yourself when you are thrust into an entirely new world and way of working. Four months was not nearly enough time to live in Chile, I needed at least a year. Four months was a tease and I feel like I learned a small fraction of the potential I could have. I miss having exciting things to talk about. In Chile, EVERYTHING was exciting! Whether it was the discoteca stories, the funny cultural jokes from class, last weekends spontaneous trip to Santiago, or next weekends vacation plans, there was always SOMEthing. I don't have that here, nothing is exciting, not ever. "What did you do over the weekend?" I worked and spent all remaining time in the library. When someone asked me that in Chile, I would say "I did some homework and planned next weekends trip to the south!  I especially miss planning trips on the cheap. I know I can do that here, but I just don't have the time with how demanding my schedule is and also the fact that I've already seen a lot of the Midwest (and there isn't much to see). I like sitting down and stretching my money as far as it can go, and even further, especially a place where it practically stretches itself, like South America! Finally, I miss meeting people from all over the world. Whether I was in a small town in Chile, or Buenos Aires, it was always exciting to meet people from Germany, Japan, Australia, and even the state right next to mine. I learned so much from them, and they learned so much from me.

I know I'm just down in the dumps right now due to an incredibly difficult semester arriving at its peak difficulty point, but I can't help but feel nostalgic for my life in Chile every single day. Nostalgic is the perfect word for it too, a tugging sadness yet happy longing for something that once was.


Some day I will return there, I know some day I will see my host family again, I know someday I'll be able to show my husband around the city that truly taught me who I am.

Aren't they just precious?

Finally, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel for this semester, and with how epic my schedule looks for the spring, I can also see the light at the end of the tunnel in regards to graduation. More than patience, I need to learn how to make the best of everything while still taking care of myself.

Lima, Perú - November 2009

People say you "grow up" the most in "college," but I don't think we ever stop growing up. How could we? There are new technological, philosophical, medical, theological advances every single day! There is always something new to learn, and there is always something about ourselves we're not quite sure of yet, no matter how old we are. Sometimes I get scared that I'll be that ornery old person, caught up in her own opinions, and unwilling to open up. At this point I can't see it happening, but you never know! You just NEVER know what is going to happen, no matter how much time you spend trying to plan the future.

I have big plans for today:

• reply to an email I've been afraid to reply to
• discuss after-graduation plans with hubby
• including the possibility of grad school in Seattle
• get stuff done
• allow myself to relax
• cuddle with hubby

The Final Countdown.

Yep. THE FINAL COUNTDOWN. Why don't you listen to the song while you're reading my post?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AyggY_R3jU8 
Feel free to do a little dance like Gob does on Arrested Development. Please do.


This is it. Tomorrow I register for classes at SCSU for the very last time. I'll never again have to complain about "honors" kids getting to register before me even though I have a better GPA. I'll never again have to run around SCSU's campus begging professors to let me into full classes. I'll never have to yell at the CEEP department again for not having a professor or time assigned to a class I need. Hopefully, I'll never have to spend another winter in Minnesota.

This is it. After May, I'm outta here.
I'm leaving.
Departing.
Escaping.
Hitting the road.
Leaving only dust behind me.
Before you can finish saying "congratulations" I'll be all packed up and ready to leave.
Its time for a move, its time for a change.

I won't get ahead of myself and blog about how "wonderful these 4 years have been" but I will say I sure have grown up a lot here. With as much as I feel like I change from year to year, hell, month to month, I'm looking forward to seeing who I'll be the day I'm leaving this place. Next semester is full of so many good things- classes, internship, events, and preparations to move across the country. I'm going to work less on campus and more at the gas station to ease myself away. I'm going to job search and start hardcore networking over winter break. I'm going to do the best I can to be the best I can be before I commence the my second big move.

For next semester, my classes are as follows: 

• CEEP 419 - Ethics in Psychology
• ENGL 342 - Creative Writing: Fiction
• PSY 378 - Theories of Personality
• PSY 345 - Psychology of Death and Dying

Class-wise, its going to be the best semester of my academic career. Not only am I stoked for these topics and professors, but I also don't have class on Friday for the first time ever. I sure deserve that.

On another note:
I have a hell of a lot to do before the semester is over, including 2 long and large presentations and about 50 to 50 pages worth of papers. Maybe I shouldn't think about the future so much...