In my head

I've become inspired.
But for specifically what, I do not yet understand.
I find myself with more energy, drive, and focus, than ever before.
I devour my books, I walk with determination, and I fear not to open my mouth.

But where do I channel it?
Though I've been utilizing the sketchbook I bought, I haven't been very satisfied with the work I've put in it. I think some of the sketches are good, and maybe some of the writings, but I have the most trouble taking the sketches and writings and continuing to better them in order to actually turn them into a piece of completed work.

I feel lost, but I know I'm on a road to somewhere; I know I have a destination. Which reminds me of the common phrase "life is a journey, not a destination." What I mean to say, is I know I'm on a sound path to wherever life takes me; I just wish there were more signs and maps to help me out along the way.

This halfhazard, disorganized post is reflective of my life lately. Once again, I find myself busy and involved. I may only have two jobs, but there are a lot of elements to each one, plus I have much to prepare for the upcoming academic year (buying books, scheduling, GAship training, GAship readings, etc). At work and at home I become inspired about random things, and I constantly come home with lists of things to look up, lists of places I want to visit, lists of things to add to my bucket lists, or things to add to my list of aspirations. It's almost overwhelming to someone as disorganized as me.

Today I sat in a two hour presentation on the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) as part of the New Beginnings Program ambassador training that I was leading. The personality psychology nerd and student affairs aficionado in me were squealing with delight. I LOVE this personality instrument! I know someday I'll get certified to administrate the test; I just know it. James from Career Services at SU did an amazing job teaching the ambassadors what the instrument did and how it will help them as a leader.

In agreement with the last two times I took the MBTI, my result was ENFP, and so is about 8.1% of the population. I copied the description of ENFPs from a handout he gave us:

Warmly enthusiastic PLANNERS OF CHANGE; imaginative, individualistic; pursue inspiration with impulsive energy; seek to understand and inspire others. With Extraverted INTUITION as the strongest mental process, they are at their best when caught in the enthusiasm of a project, sparking others to see its benefits. They value:

• The surge of inspirations; the pull of emerging possibilities

• A life of variety, people, warm relationships

• Following their insights wherever they lead

• Finding meanings behind the facts

• Creativity, originality, a fresh perspective

• An optimistic, positive, enthusiastic view of life

• Flexibility and openness 

• Exploring, devising, and trying out new things

• Open-ended opportunities and options

• Freedom from the requirement of being practical

• Learning through action, variety, and discovery

• A belief that any obstacles can be overcome

• A focus on people's potentials

• Brainstorming to solve problems

• Work made light and playful by inspiration

Every time I read up about the MBTI or when I attend a session on it like I did today, I find myself reflecting about what it means for me. I also tend to read the descriptions of the other 15 types and think about how I would interact with them. I'm sure for the rest of the night I'll be reading up about my strengths and weaknesses as an ENFP.

What is YOUR type? If you haven't taken the test before, you can follow this link to a fake test (http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/jtypes1.htm). However, it only has 72 questions. The official test has more questions, and that makes it more accurate. You can use this one online though, to get an idea of what your types are. 

I suppose I'll end this post here and get to work on something creative or productive. I have 5 chapters to read out of Heroic Leadership before my GAship training next Thursday and I should really get through at least a few things on my to-do list that's been growing ever since we moved to Seattle.

Sayonara! 

I miss art class!

Back in July, Zach and I attended a craft fair at the Seattle Center and I purchased a sketchbook. It wasn't an ordinary sketchbook, as it is made partially out of an old book. The woman who creates these sketchbooks gets old books, from libraries and antique stores, and makes them into sketchbooks and notebooks. She uses the book cover as the sketchbook cover, and re-binds them with fresh, blank pages. She also keeps a few pages of the books and binds them in with the pages. I chose one that was formerly a sewing, knitting, and needlecraft instruction book.

This is what the front looks like.

See? The instruction section is still in my notebook, to the right is a page I wrote on.

Anyway, I've been carrying this book around with me a lot. I use it to write down ideas, prose, poetry, and sketches. I haven't done anything like this before, and honestly it is so refreshing. It's like art and creativity is back in my life again. I even set aside time to work in my book; drawing, writing, or whatever comes to mind. 

Here are a few things I've doodled over the past few weeks.

I told y'all I'm studying japanese, right? The kanji and hiragana numbers are on the upper left.

Cubone is sad.

Inspired by the fact that Zach and I have played A LOT of Mario games lately.

Studying japanese inspired this one.

Japanese will be a challenge for me. I might take a class next year.

I used to be so good at Calligraphy when I learned it in middle school art!

Emotions inspire art. What can I say.

Working on my thigh tattoo design.

I get really frustrated that my work isn't good and incomplete, and honestly my sketchbook has many more doodles, but they're just plain bad. But that's why I'm practicing, right?

I miss the days of middle school and high school art class! They were always my favorite classes. I was in Art Club too. I loved having access to unlimited mediums and art supplies. When I get some extra cash I want to buy some watercolor pencils to add color to some of my doodles. I recently bought some oil pastels, but I can't seem to really make anything great with them, yet.

It's unfortunate that as soon as classes start up, there is a good chance I'll be ignoring my sketchbook until next summer. Maybe I'll schedule some creative time to my Sundays and force myself to sit down with some paper and let the creativity flow. Regardless, I've been enjoying my freedom from the undergrad-ball-and-chain and using free time to draw, explore Seattle, and get in some quality Zach time. As soon as classes start though, I'll have to say "adiós, life!"

Yesterday I had such a fantastic time hiking in Discovery Park with some international students from SSCC. We spent almost 4 hours hiking around the park; we got to see the lighthouse at the point, picnic on the beach, and explore some gorgeous viewpoints. As soon as I returned home I told Zach I HAVE to take him there sometime. What a wonderful, outdoorsy getaway so close to the city!

Today wrapped up the end of my second week at the ISC. Boy, I am going to miss these Fukuoka University students when they leave! One of them added me on Facebook yesterday, and I'm delighted that they want to stay in touch. My goal is to also stay in touch with their Director and see if they'll need an intern someday. Who knows, maybe I'll have an internship in Japan within the next two years! In other ISC news, I'm helping plan and run their ambassador training next week. The ambassadors will be the ones who will help us out at New Student Orientation in September. Things are picking up and I'm getting more work; which is a good thing!

Which reminds me; TGIF! I can finally appreciate weekends again, now that I'm busier. Tomorrow I'm going to the Washington Department of Licensure to get my WA license. I wish I didn't have to forfeit my MN one, but apparently I have no choice. For the rest of the weekend I'll be catching up with Zach, catching up on sleep, and spending the last of my precious free time relaxed.

じゃまた。- Ja mata! - See you later!

Whirlwind

The past week has been crazy. Not as crazy as my last two semesters in undergrad (we all know THAT was crazy) but crazy in comparison to how sedentary life has been in the past two months. I know we've been exploring Seattle, volunteering, and partaking in some events, but nothing had real purpose for me. Not until I had a job in my field, I began working towards something, and time started to fly.

Monday, Wednesday, Thursday I spent at my GAship. Most of my tasks were being a helper/organizer when they went out on outings. A few times I briefly met my supervisor Ryan and he got me up to speed about the basics of the SU International Student Center. Other than that, I was out on the town with the Fukuoka group. I learned a lot and had great fun; I'm delighted to have an opportunity to improve my Japanese. Monday I showed them around Capitol Hill and ate dinner with them. I also got to know two undergraduate students who also work in the ISC On Wednesday I got to go to Bainbridge Island with them, to visit the Bainbridge Japanese History Museum; Friday I went to the Courthouse and Mayor's Office for Senior Services while they interviewed personnel for their research; today I went to a Mariner's game with them. How lucky am I!

Me, Nguyen, and Dom at the history museum

Tuesday and Thursday at SSCC I put in some hours planning for the upcoming events and working on Orientation stuff. Thursday the Level II IEP students threw a graduation party for the IEP Level V group; the students did an amazing job planning the event and impressed everyone there. I enjoyed the opportunity to get to know some of the international students better.

Saturday I took SSCC IP students to the Seattle Sounders VS the Vancouver Whitecaps game. At 11:30 we made our way down to Occidental park where before every game they host a rally for Sounders fans. People were chanting, singing along with Sound Wave, their pep band, and yelling fight songs as we marched to the stadium. The students loved it, I loved it, and I'm already so hooked on the Sounders that I've been looking up what Google claims are the best bars to go to to watch Sounders games. Also I've been trying to find jerseys online, though I definitely can't afford one right now (or for a while). My favorite chant was "Nobody likes us, and WE DON'T CARE!" Oh you pretentious Seattle hipsters :P You are something.

I haven't come home exhausted every day since May. Honestly, it's a nice change to be back in a busy schedule. I feel so great about getting a job and working toward something greater, but I can't help but feel awful for Zach. I mean, he's fine and happy for the most part, but I just want him to find whatever makes him happy. Be it going back to school, finding a specific job, or whatever. We're going to be fine with money, I just want both of us to settle in and get comfortable, mostly since I've dedicated the next two years of my life here. Another sad fact is that come September 19 when classes start up, I don't know when I'll ever see Zach. There are two days per week that I'll probably be gone for 14 hours minimum, and I know that any spare time will need to be spent studying.

I do have faith though. Things will work out. We're doing amazing so far. For two relatively independent young people across the country, we have a roof over our heads, a bed to sleep on, and food in the fridge. We must still be doing pretty damn well.

Last night I volunteered at Hempfest in Myrtle Edwards Park. I helped sell merch and gave directions to attendees. I was going to go back tonight and help again but I'm not feeling the greatest. I'm starting to think it's due to the whirlwind week I just endured. And I didn't even mention the emotional turmoil it took on me. Time to rest up.

With that, I bid you adieu; ja ma ta ne (see you later!)

Before I wrap this up, I must point out that Ratatat is an amazing band to listen to while I'm blogging. Maybe their beats coincide with the rhythm I type at... regardless, check them out. Very chill and enjoyable.

Win some, lose some.

This morning I woke up, headed over to the bathroom, and turned the shower knob, but no water came out. Yes, the water main burst in the middle of the night, apparently, and I found this out after dressing and trying to track down my landlord early this morning. So I did what any water-less person has to do and used the water in the pitcher of our fridge by pouring it over my head in the tub.

I tried not to let this ruin my day, as it was my first day in the International Student Center at Seattle University as their graduate assistant. Luckily I pushed the water-less morning out of my head because I had a fantastic first day. I started my position at the ISC two weeks earlier than most GAs because I'm helping with a short term program; 17 students from Fukuoka University in Japan are here for the next two and a half weeks to study English and Law. Most of the day I set up my work station, got to know my new coworkers, and waited for the students to arrive from the airport. When they did my coworkers Nguyen, Anya, and Dominic and the staff of the ISC Dale and Sandra all met up with them and oriented them to staying in the dorms (they're staying with host families after tonight). We ate dinner with them at Cherry Street Market (the student dining hall) and then Nguyen, Anya, Dominic, and I took them for a walk down Broadway and through Cal Anderson Park. I was only able to learn a few names, but they are a wonderful group of students and I got to practice my Japanese with them. I'm really looking forward to working with them more! Since I want to work, intern, or study in Japan at some point, I'm going to ask them lots of questions and learn as much as I can.

I stayed with the Fukuoka group much later than my usual Monday office hours would go (didn't get home until past 8pm), but I was able, willing, and eager to spend time with the students so I don't mind at all. I'm sure once classes start up I won't be able to afford much extra time there.

Honestly right now I'm really bummed about this dress that just got ruined in the wash. I am the worst person to do laundry! I'm constantly shrinking, dying, or just plain ruining my clothes. I'm mostly upset because I never got the chance to wear the dress and it shrunk so badly that I will ever get to. I swear I ruin at least one item of clothing every time I do laundry. Hundreds of dollars of clothes have been wasted because I apparently cannot separate my clothes and wash them correctly. What is wrong with me? As soon as I saw the dress today I thought to myself "THIS IS WHY YOU CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS!" I've been stressing about money lately, so any time I waste something I get pretty upset.

Today was such a push and pull of good and bad happenings, hence the post's title. But I suppose that's how life works; it's not perfect all of the time. I have to learn not to fret the small stuff, but IT'S ALL THE SMALL STUFF! (I think I just stole that tagline from the book Don't sweat the small stuff). I've had a few bouts of pretty bad anxiety since arriving in Seattle, but I'm really hoping those disappear once this place starts feeling like home. Sometimes my mind compiles all of the things I could possibly worry about and makes me worry about them all at the same time. Then my poor self-image and complete lack of confidence adds fuel to the fire and I start a long, grueling, downward spiral. Thankfully I have a loving, down-to-earth partner, an affectionate cat, books, and room to do yoga in our studio; these things have been keeping my head above water so far.

But enough of the sad/anxiety crap that I dwell on too much...

I'm going to my first Seattle Sounders game on Saturday with my job at SSCC! I'm taking 19 students with me and we're going to arrive early to storm the field before the game starts. It will be my first event with students without my coworker, but I know we'll be fine. I'm really getting the hang of my position there now, thankfully.

This is my first week working both my GAship and my job at SSCC; wish me luck! My schedule is only going to get busier from here.

Goals

Throughout my life, I haven't been the type to set personal goals unless prompted. Unless you count weight loss... which we all know those goals have gone out the window several times over for me (but that blog post rant is for another time).  I don't know why I've never sat down and wrote myself some personal goals, but I figured it was about time I did it. Maybe it will be good for me. Maybe it will prove to be worthless.

For the most part, I'm going to concentrate on goals for during and after graduate school, but I might throw in some unrelated things as well.

• Put myself out there. Not to the point that I'm annoying everyone, but to the point that I make an effort and go out of my way to say hello to people, to smile, to ask questions, and not be afraid to make the first move. In the student affairs field, your life is a lot easier if you learn how to network and take advantage of it. I plan to do just that. 
• Intern abroad. We all know Zach and I want to live in various countries in the future. For my program I have to do at least two internships, and I plan on doing everything in my power to obtain an internship in another country. I'll need the experience for my future jobs outside of the US anyway. 
• Foster quality relationships. This includes friendships, professional relationships, and any other qualifying relationship. I had a wonderful cushion of love in St. Cloud, and still have some people close to my heart from back home in southeastern Wisconsin. But I'm in Seattle now and I'm not going to spend my time here riding on surface relationships. I might be out of college years, where you 'make friends for life' but that doesn't mean I can't do it in grad school. Hell, these are the people I'm going to cry with, bleed with, and breathe with for the next two years. I'm going to make the most out of it. Professionally, I want to find a mentor. A lot of my cohort talks about advice from and relationships with their mentor. It's a relationship I envy and a relationship I intend to find for my own. 
• DRAW. I used to love to draw. I still do, but I'm frustrated now because of the patience it requires, and patience isn't something I have a lot of these days. I bought a crafty sketchbook from an art fair at the Seattle Center a few weeks back and I've been sketching in it every once and a while (also writing in it). We don't have any spare money right now, but when we do I want to purchase some watercolor pencils to add some color to what I've done so far.

I doodled Cubone recently. 

• Write. Be it research, fiction, non-fiction, fantasy, or suspense, I want to create writing works that I'm proud to share. I know it will take severe concentration and a heart capable of feedback, but I refuse to die without publishing something. 
• Take care of my health. We tend to ignore our health as busy students. In fact, sometimes we suppress the fact that it exists and gets in the way of our busy lives. I want to make this challenge called grad school a productive one; I can't learn effectively nor accomplish something to be proud of if my health is not up to par. A healthy body is a healthy mind, right? This means taking advantage of the gym, yoga, balanced diet, and no more torturing myself with so much dairy!
• Be the best wife I can be. Did you know I have the best husband in the world? It's hard to measure up. The next two years will no doubt put pressure on my relationship with my husband, so I will always have to remember how grateful I am to have him, and to show him how much I appreciate his friendship, compassion, and love.
• Turn in quality work and turn it in on time. Sounds like an obvious goal, but I won't lie to myself when I admit I am an expert bullshitter when it comes to writing papers at 3am just hours before they are due (at least I was in undergrad). If I'm going to get the most out of this program, and I'm going to publish at least something, then I'm going to put 200% into everything I do. No shanking in grad school.
• Put others before myself. A very typical goal, but probably the one I'll have to work the hardest on. Debilitating self-consciousness makes me think about myself A LOT. I shouldn't say 'think,' I should say 'obsess.' I often think about the time I've wasted obsessing over every blemish, flaw, or embarrassing moment. From now on I will make an effort to not spend so much time obsessing and find a better way to spend my time. I love people. I'm a people person. It will only help me foster meaningful relationships if I'm better at putting others before myself. Not to mention learn valuable lessons in service and global citizenship.

I'm sure that as soon as I post this, I'll think of a thousand more. If they're any good, I'll take note of them. Expressing goals holds them accountable. I'm going to remind myself of these constantly by bookmarking them and checking back on them often. 

Scrumptious Seattle

Our fridge may be empty most of the time, and our furniture and clothing might all be from the thrift store, but damn, we are doing good out here, I have to admit. I know I may be pessimistic sometimes, but how can I really complain when we can afford rent, groceries, and even a few treats? Our hard work is continuously paying off and it's a huge relief that things are working out. I'll confess, I didn't have a lot of faith in my own future; beyond St. Cloud was vague and risky and I couldn't imagine where I'd be in the next year. But here we are; roof over our heads, bellies full of food, happy pets, and a modest, glorious life.

I spent a relaxing evening reading by the piers last week.

I have just one more week of an easy schedule (one job 17 hours per week) until my graduate assistantship starts on August 13; then I'll be working 37 hours per week minimum. I'm starting to get more emails about starting my program and I'm getting more and more excited! There are some orientations and other things to attend and I'm really looking forward to getting to know and spending time with my cohort. I can't afford to buy my books yet, but I'm really looking forward to when I do. I actually have to read books for my GAship. I guess it's also a class called Jesuit 101: Introduction to Higher Education. The books we have to read are Ignatian Humanism by Ronald Modras and Heroic Leadership by Chris Lowney. I've only skimmed both of the books, but I think they're going to be interesting. I have so much to learn when it comes to student affairs and higher education that I'm itching for this program to start! I feel as though summer is crawling by. Of course, we all know time will fly when the program actually begins.

Eventually I have to work on getting a Washington driver's license. Well, not eventually, more like as soon as I can. I can use my Minnesota license, but since I'll be reserving vans to use for my position at South Seattle Community College, I really should get a Washington license like the DMV expects you to do within 30 days of moving. I'm a little upset because I got my Minnesota one just over 1 year ago! It'll be good to have an up-to-date identification card, I guess.

On Friday Zach and I picnicked at Alki Beach. We took the bus there from downtown and packed a blanket, sandwiches and grapes. Alki Beach is so beautiful! You can see a ton of the islands in the sound, plus an entire mountain range and several peaks. If you're at the far end of the beach you can see the Space Needle. I'm glad we went on Friday because the Blue Angles were practicing and when they fly over our neighborhood we can't hear anything! The best part was seeing them flying over the city on the West Seattle Bridge. I wish I could have taken a picture!

This is just a glimpse of the views you can see of Seattle from West Seattle!

Here was our view for our picnic. Just behind the hill on the right is the Space Needle.

Honeymoon phase or not, I'm still so in love with Seattle. The beauty of the pacific northwest and Seattle as a city itself is still awe inspiring after over 2 months of living here. There is always things to do, places to go, and people to meet. I can already imagine us coming back here to live. Maybe we'll even spend more than just two years here. But you never know! Zach and I do talk about Japan a lot.

August! Whoa!

I really enjoy observing my own adjustments to the move, new city, and new people. I might still have moments of loneliness or loss, but the differences between the Catie that moved to Seattle on June 8th and the Catie who is perusing the streets like a true Seattleite on August 1st are obvious and immense. The best part about it is the lesson; because we all know I'm going to be adjusting to several new, big cities in my future. These obstacles, these observations, they're all preparing me for the adventure that is my future, and the fact that I walk the streets with confidence and eagerly head to work in the morning gives me great hope.

Thank goodness I am getting used to my new office at SSCC! Being the new person is something I have always hated; the constant questions, the awkwardness, and not knowing exactly where to be or what to do all drives me crazy. Though I'm struggling with the vast amount of freedom I have in this position, it's nice to have that for a change. Last week the other Activities Coordinator, Nathan, and I took groups of international students to the Microsoft Visitor Center on Friday and volunteered with them with EarthCorps at a trail in West Seattle on Saturday. It was the smiling, laughing international students that reassured me, once again, that I am going into the right field. Some of them got to Skype their families in other countries when we were visiting Microsoft! Others learned a ton about identifying local and invasive plant species when we were volunteering. In the future we have planned some hikes, historical tours, and tourist attractions planned for them. I'm most looking forward to new student orientation this fall quarter; Nathan and I get to spearhead the whole day! Maybe I'm just still in the honeymoon period, but right now I'd say I love this job so much I'd do it for free. (Just don't tell them that!)

Now that it's August, that means my first day as a graduate assistant is less than 2 weeks away! I think I have a solid schedule hammered out between my two jobs. It will be soon enough that classes get added in to that as well. Though nothing can compare to my ridiculously over-involved undergrad experience, this will be a challenge I know. But hey, what's a better way to grow than to challenge myself?

It's another day at the grind for me tomorrow. I am already looking forward to the weekend, though. My mornings have just been super crappy; but maybe that's just because my body is used to waking up at its leisure.

Sidenote: Odin is psychotic right now. For those of you who know him, yes, his pupils are 100% dilated, he is running top speed around the studio, and every so often grabbing someone's limb and biting it before dashing off again. Psycho kitty! And now he is begging Zach hardcore for some yum yums. I guess that means it's time for me to go spoil my cat.

While I'm gone, check out this picture I took of a guy washing windows on a skyscraper:

I believe it's the One Union Square building!